I said, “What’s up, Rubes?”

She said, “Me dad went spare. We have to stay out of his sight. I can’t have any tea, and when he’s had his, I have to go straight to bed. All because Matilda ate his vest from the wash basket. His special lucky vest he always wears when he goes to pie-eating contests.”

I said, “That’s bad, little pal.”

I sat down beside her and Matilda put her sad, crumpled-up face on my knee.

“Maybe we could go and have a proper look for Little Lullah and . . .”

Then I heard Mr. Barraclough shouting, “Look at the state of this!!! That was a bloody heirloom.”

I thought I’d better nip off.

As I crossed the village green I heard an owl hooting somewhere. It reminded me of Little Lullah and Little Ruby. I still couldn’t believe they’d left home.

Then I saw a horrible sight.

Eccles and Dil were sitting on the church wall. Stuffing crisps into their mouths and looking at me. Beverley might be on a hunger strike, but it looks like they’re eating for her. They got up and started walking away, looking back at me.

Eccles yelled out, “Are you not gone yet, lanky loser?”

And Dil said, “Yeah, we’re watching you.”

And she did that pointing at her eyes and then pointing her fingers at me.

Charming.

In the kitchen of Dandelion Cottage, Dibdobs had her head in a cupboard.

I said, “Hello.”

And she said from the cupboard, “Hello, Lullah. Nature has many treasures we can use to beautify our lives. At no cost at all!!! Look at this. I’ve attached some copper wire to these and . . . !”

She came out of the cupboard with fir cones dangling from her ears, smiling in an enormously smiley way. She said, “Fir-cone earrings!!! Paint them with a bit of silver and voilà . . . I don’t think I’d feel out of place at the palace!!”

The twins came out of the cupboard.

I managed to get to my room by first of all saying how marvelous the twins’ new leaf hats were and then that I had homework to do.

I lay down on my squirrel bed and tucked a squirrel slipper beside me. Then I got out my Darkly Demanding Damson Diary.

Aha. Here are the early sketches and notes for Sugar Plum Bikey ballet. I still think it was a good idea. Oh and here’s an early drawing of a Labradad: half Labrador, half dad. A dad who fetches sticks, etc.

Then some poems about Alex. Aaaah, Alex the Good.

Ooooh and a letter I wrote to him but never sent.

And here’s the poem from Cain. I should tear it up really.

I will in a bit. I’m only keeping it because it’s so stupid.

I’m not looking at it now anyway.

The Beast.

It looks like it’s been written with a hoof.

Beasty hoof.

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind . . .