“Breathe,” I said.

“Fuck you!” she responded.

When the pain had passed, she continued her rant. “You never wanted this baby! You’re trying to give it away!”

“I’m not,” I said, which was the truth. But she was right; I’d never wanted it. Freya and I weren’t meant to be parents. Years ago, I would have welcomed a child, but not now, not after all the ugly shit we’d been through. I’d known that my chances of fathering a child were “practically zero” when I married Freya. If I’d wanted a family, I would have chosen a different wife. It sounds harsh, but Freya was not mother material. Freya was sexy, beautiful, witty . . . but she was not selfless; she was not loving. She was not cut out to be someone’s mom.

Neither was Paula Elphin. I barely knew her, but a person who would lie in court about having sex with an athlete just to get child support . . . well, she was hardly a positive role model. Thank God I hadn’t slept with her. She’d been all over me in the bar that night, but I was a newlywed, madly in love. Freya wasn’t possessive, but I wasn’t interested. When Paula accused me, my lawyer thought my sterility would be the quickest and easiest way to make it all go away. We hadn’t expected the judge to order a DNA test.

“I have contracts!” Freya growled, through gritted teeth. “I have sponsors! If we have a paternity scandal, I’ll be ruined again.”

“Jesus Christ. That’s what you’re worried about?”

She hit me then, her hand connecting with my jaw. It smarted; Freya was small, but her rage made her strong. The pain made my eyes water and my face throb. And then I felt that familiar release. It was like scratching at a rash you weren’t supposed to touch. It was damaging, could cause infection. But it was such sweet relief, like it always was, if only for a moment. Freya had come up with a cover story for her battery, had told Jamie I’d been fighting in bars. But the only person who abused me was my wife. And I let her because I deserved it, even craved it in a fucked-up way. I wanted more, wanted her to claw and scratch and punish me. But not now.

My wife was about to give birth to another man’s baby.

Chapter 53

53

jamie