Once, when we were still at the mall, I told Ivan how brave I thought he was. The way he put up with everything that had happened to him and never stopped being a good guy.

Ivan just looked at me. Cocked that big ol’ head of his. Nodded a bit.

“That’s not brave, Bob,” he finally said. “That’s just knowing what I can’t change.”

“I call it brave,” I said. “I call it crazy brave.”

Ivan held a browning banana up to the light. Like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his long gorilla life.

I wondered whether he was going to eat it or draw it. You never knew with Ivan.

“Seems to me there are lots of ways to be brave, Bob,” he said.

A tiny mouse, name of Eek, skittered across his cage floor. “Hey, Eek,” said Ivan.

“Just checking for crumbs,” she said nervously, because she always sounded nervous.

“Dibs on all leftovers,” I reminded her.

She looked so terrified that I relented. “Over there, behind the tire. Old carrot top.”

“Respect, Bob,” she said, scampering off.

“Take a small creature like Eek,” said Ivan. He scratched his chin with the end of the banana. He did that when he was in a philosophical mood. “Maybe brave for a mouse is different from brave for me or brave for you.”

He looked at me fondly. “You’re the bravest dog I know, pal.”

“I ain’t brave.” I chewed on my tail, avoiding his gaze.

“You are Bob, untamed and undaunted,” said Ivan, and he chomped off a hunk of banana. He offered the rest to me, but I shook my head. I wasn’t feeling hungry.

Also, it was mostly just peel.

“That’s just my shtick. My routine.” I hesitated. “I mean, sure, I’m tough, compared to, say, Eek. But that’s setting the bar pretty low.”

“You’re too hard on yourself sometimes, Bob.”

I met his eyes. He has these dark brown, deep-set eyes, really kind ones. Eyes that make you wanna admit things. Confess to your failures.

“Once when I was little. Just a pup. I did something . . .”

Ivan waited patiently. Ivan is the king of patience.

I felt myself dashing into a dead-end tunnel I couldn’t escape. I didn’t want to go there. Not even with Ivan.

“Never mind.” I yawned. I do that when I’m anxious. “I’m rambling.”

“Bob?” Ivan said. “You okay?”

“You know me, Ivan. I’m always okay. Always.”

I slipped away before he could ask me anything more.

ruby

“Uncle Bob!”

Ruby races over—galomph, galomph—across the broad field that’s part of the elephant domain. She’s so cute when she runs, like she’s determined not to trip on her trunk.

Ruby adores me. I make her laugh, I read the room, I lighten the mood.

I gotta admit, I am kind of adorable.