Still haven’t been in a car—or a truck or a tractor, for that matter.

When I have to go to the rhymes-with-pet-threat, Julia and her parents walk me there.

They say elephants have long memories. Well, so do dogs, people.

It’s not like I’m afraid. I’m just . . . exercising my options.

full wag

“Are you ready to head over to the park?” George asks as he passes through the living room. He’s carrying two flashlights and a roll of masking tape.

“Yep,” Julia says, and I do a head tilt to show I’m intrigued by the conversation.

The place where Ivan and Ruby live is called Wildworld Zoological Park and Sanctuary. But everybody just calls it “the park.”

George works at the park as head groundskeeper, which means I’ve got some sway. And everyone who’s employed there loves Julia.

“Gimme a minute. I just need to grab my coat,” says George.

“Straight home after that, though, Julia,” says Sara. “Just in case the weather gets worse. One minute the weatherman’s saying we’re going to have a little shower. Next minute it’s the storm of the century.”

Julia scratches my head. “I thought Hurricane Gus wasn’t coming till tomorrow.”

“Sometimes they change course,” says Sara. “They can be unpredictable.”

“You know,” George says with a wink, “in the old days, they only named hurricanes after women.”

Julia groans. “That is so sexist!”

“It’s not just the wind that I’m worried about on this one,” George says. “It’s the storm surge that could be a problem. Flooding.”

Julia tries to make me wear her mom’s latest creation, a knitted dog sweater with SECURITY written on it.

Which I suppose is an ironic reference to my petite size.

I politely decline.

“All right, you win.” Julia sighs. “Ready for your walk, Bob?”

At the mention of the word “walk,” I go all crazy-mutt so it’s clear I’m on board with the idea.

Humans love it when we get silly. I think they’re so weighed down by people problems that sometimes they need to be reminded what happy looks like.

Julia attaches my string. I try for a little tug-of-war, but she refuses to buy it. “Let’s go see Ivan and Ruby,” she says.

Just hearing those names sends my tail into full wag.

good words, bad words

I’ve never met a dog who didn’t get a big ol’ grin on his kisser when “walk” slipped into a conversation.

Dogs understand more than you might think. The nature channel says we’re about as smart as the average human toddler. Two-year-olds, my fuzzy rump! We’re a million times brainier than some babbling rug rat.

There was a dog on that Man’s Best Friend show who supposedly understood like a thousand human words. Border collie, I think. Those guys need to switch to decaf.