I smile. ‘On mine. Douglas doesn’t get all hot under the collar about love and romance. I was desperately young when I met him and had a lot of growing up to do. I stayed until I saw that what I was doing was growing into the mould he’d made for me. I needed to find out who I was, for myself.’

‘Have you ever wondered whether it was you, not him?’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I mean, if you were projecting your own lack of self-esteem on to him. That it wasn’t him you weren’t good enough for, but yourself?’

It’s an odd thing for her to say but I give the question some consideration. Have I blamed my own failures on him? My self-esteem was dangerously low when we met, but the momentum to improve came from Douglas, not me.

‘Admit it,’ she says teasingly. ‘He was actually good for you.’

‘Are you serious? Or are you playing devil’s advocate?’

She laughs. ‘Devil’s advocate. He and Lottie have a lovely relationship, don’t they? She’s so lucky having two dads. I wish Kai had Ben.’

A silence falls, and I almost doze off before she speaks again.

‘Does Nick mind you seeing so much of your ex?’

I rub the crick out of the back of my neck. I feel blurry, and not really up to this conversation. ‘I wouldn’t say he’s Douglas’s biggest fan, but he knows how much Lottie loves him and he wouldn’t mess that relationship up for the world.’

‘Why did you split up?’

‘What is this? The third degree?’

‘Sorry. Don’t tell me if you don’t want to.’

‘I don’t suppose it matters.’ I blow out a breath. ‘Among other things, I caught him in bed with another woman.’

‘Shit,’ Anna says. ‘That must have been awful. Why on earth did you go back to him?’

Did I tell her that? I must have done. I’m so tired, I can’t remember exactly what I’ve said.

‘Good question.’

‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘I’m incurably nosy.’

I smile. There’s something about being drunk in a cab that invites intimacy. It’s seductive. ‘My life had been chaotic; Douglas gave me rules, he gave me structure and he had expectations.’

‘You haven’t mentioned love.’

I don’t answer, because I can’t. I didn’t know what love was back then. I look out of the window, feeling a sense of relief as we leave Battersea behind. We’re on the home stretch.

‘He was a substitute parent,’ Anna supplies. ‘I can understand that.’

I drag my gaze away from the windows of a bus going in the other direction. ‘You can?’

‘Ben was a lot older than me.’

‘What was he like?’

‘He was serious, and kind. Very bright. How did you and Nick get together?’