I’m trembling like a leaf, like Toffee when he’s scared. ‘I didn’t try to kill him; I lost control. Douglas will tell you. He was happy to take the blame, and say he provoked me. I didn’t go to prison. I got a suspended sentence on condition I saw a psychiatrist. I did all that. Where did you get this information?’

‘A witness came forward when she saw the photograph of you and Nick on the news. She recognized you.’

‘A witness?’ I say. ‘Do you mean the woman he was sleeping with?’

I hadn’t even known what her name was. Douglas had persuaded her to keep quiet about the incident. He probably paid her. No doubt this is going to end up on the front pages.

‘Why don’t you explain what happened.’

‘All right. It was before I had Lottie. I don’t think it would have happened if I’d been a mother. Douglas brought the woman to the flat while I was out. I walked in on them. At that time I was completely under his control, utterly infatuated …’

‘And psychotically jealous?’

‘I’d had a tough upbringing. I’d been in care. I was heavily dependent on Douglas, and his betrayal tipped me over. We were bad for each other. The relationship was toxic. He drove me crazy. When I caught him with that woman, he was so cold about it, treating me like I was being hysterical. I got frustrated and lashed out.’ I remember it as if it was yesterday. The amusement in his eyes. The cold smile. Brushing me off. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting. I remember the blood. Her screams. His surprise. ‘I was very young. I’m a different person now.’

‘But the fact remains, your partner is missing, presumed dead, and you have a history of violence.’

‘It was one time,’ I protest. I sit back in my chair and fold my arms. ‘I want a lawyer.’

He closes the file and switches off the recorder. ‘Fine. But we’ll need you to come back in as soon as you’ve found one. Tomorrow at the latest.’

I walk out of the police station, shaken to the core, and breathe in deeply. I tell myself it will be all right. I had nothing to do with what happened to Nick or Anna.

NICK

Saturday, 14 April 2018 Day Zero