His tawny gaze is clear and untroubled as he looks from Harper to me. ‘I don’t know what happened,’ he says. ‘I wasn’t watching Archie. I was teaching Tyler and Lucas how to do cannonballs and Archie didn’t want to play with us. I didn’t see anything.’

Together Harper and I pack up our things. The two Conway boys are shaken and quiet, but Peter makes a play out of cheering them up with funny faces and jokes.

‘What happened?’ Harper asks me as I roll up a wet towel.

‘Archie must have just got out of his depth—’

‘With you and Felix,’ she says.

I glance at Stacey’s husband. He’s still standing by the edge of the pool, gazing blankly towards the clubhouse as if transfixed.

‘You saw what happened,’ I say tightly.

I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to dwell on what just happened, because I’m more shaken by what I did than Felix himself.

Harper drops the towel from her shoulders and hitches her beach bag onto her shoulder as Felix finally breaks out of his trance and strides away.

‘You’re lucky you just saved his son’s life,’ she says. ‘I know he shouldn’t have grabbed Stacey like that, but he could’ve had you arrested for assault. I honestly thought you were going to kill him.’

‘Yes,’ I say, watching Felix. ‘For a while there, I thought so, too.’

chapter 32

millie

I know better than to discuss what happened at the pool yesterday with Tom, beyond the basic fact of Archie’s ‘accident’. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to hear any psycho shit about our son.

Peter is lying on his stomach in front of the television drawing pictures of R2-D2 – we’re on a retro Star Wars jag – and as I watch him colour, my imagination drifts towards what should be unthinkable. I picture the hands now holding a couple of coloured pencils – hands that still haven’t quite lost their baby fat – closing around the throat of a toddler. Pushing a child into the road.

Holding a boy’s head beneath the water.

There’s something oddly cathartic about letting myself go to the darkest places and considering what it would feel like if my worst fears came true. What I would do. What I could do.

I should have stopped him yesterday. I knew he was spoiling for trouble – I could see it in his eyes as we set off for the pool. It’s why I ran ahead with the children to keep a watchful eye on him. But I let myself be distracted by Felix, and those few minutes were all it took.

I don’t know what happened. I didn’t see anything.

If I didn’t know better, I’d almost believe him.