Less than three hours after MailOnline picked up the story, INN rushed out a craven ass-covering statement: Stacey Porter has been suspended from the Morning Express Show pending further evaluation of information that has recently come to light. We take all allegations of domestic violence extremely seriously regardless of gender, race or sexual orientation, and are deeply saddened by recent events. We can say unequivocally, that, prior to Friday morning, current INN management was never made aware of any complaints about Stacey Porter’s conduct, but these allegations represent an egregious violation of our company’s standards and we have no choice but to take them extremely seriously.

‘I’m not sure that was the wisest move,’ I tell Millie when she returns from wherever she’s been with Harper mid-afternoon. ‘You’ve just poked the bear – Stacey’s going to be out for blood. More importantly, you’ve just put Felix’s disappearance back on the front page.’

‘I realise this is going to come as a shock to you,’ Millie says, ‘but I didn’t kill Felix Porter, Tom.’

‘You don’t have to—’

‘Tom,’ Millie says, enunciating each word clearly and concisely. ‘I. Did. Not. Kill. Felix. Porter.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I think I would’ve noticed.’

My wife isn’t a cold-blooded murderer: that’s a good thing. That doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of killing if the need arises. She took care of her father, after all. She just isn’t responsible this time.

‘So if you didn’t kill him, where is he?’ I ask.

‘I have no idea,’ Millie says, exasperated. ‘Assuming he isn’t sunning himself by the pool in Argentina or Panama, I’d say Stacey killed him. And she’s already out for my blood, Tom. This won’t make any difference. She set me up to take the fall for Felix. I’ve been two steps behind her all along. I need to get out ahead of her if I’m to have a hope in hell of coming through this. Frankly, I’m surprised the police aren’t already here to arrest me.’

‘About that,’ I say.

‘What? Have you spoken to them?’

‘No need,’ I say. ‘There’s not much point being married to a computer geek if he can’t hack a simple CCTV system. Stacey downloaded the footage of you breaking into her house onto Felix’s computer instead of her own laptop. Rookie mistake. I used the trapdoor from your original virus to wipe the download and the original CCTV file. She didn’t send it to the police – I checked her digital history. She’s got nothing on you now.’

‘Have I told you how much I love you?’ Millie says.