It doesn’t matter that I’ve never seen inside it. The Porters have a sophisticated security system I’d be a fool to attempt: I’m not a cat burglar. I know my limits. And the woman is notoriously private; unlike most small-screen celebrities, she’s never allowed cameras inside her home for voyeuristic magazine spreads.

But I don’t need to set foot inside. When you know, you know.

The estate agent gives the post holding the For Sale sign a good shake, to check it’s solid. ‘You interested?’ he asks, as I stand transfixed on the pavement.

Tom and I can afford it now. I make good money, and the last ten years have been very kind to Tom’s work in the high-tech security market.

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I’m interested.’

kyperlife

kyle and harper find their forever home!

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Hi, my lovely Kyper peeps, welcome back! I hope you’re all doing really well – oops, my hair’s gone all static! I just brushed it before I turned the camera on, my bad, sorry about that, let me just tie it back. There we go.

Anyway, my loves, I’m so glad you’re all here, because today’s a really important day for us! This amazing house just came on the market and me and Kyle are going to see it now! We’ve got about an hour before our appointment, so I thought I’d take a minute to update you all, and then we can see the house together.

For those of you who’ve been following Kyle and me’s house-buying journey, it’s been a bit of a roller-coaster, hasn’t it?

Just to catch you up if you haven’t seen the show before – and we’re so happy you’ve decided to join our Kyper Nation, my loves, it’s so lovely to see you! – Kyle and me decided to put our house on the market this year. We love it here in Putney, and this is a such a sweet, sweet house, it’s got so many lovely memories, but the boys really need their own rooms now, and we’re just running out of space.

So anyway, we put our house on the market back in March and we were super lucky, we got an offer straight away, but then the problem was, we just couldn’t find anything to buy. We were getting super stressed, but then we finally found a place in Brixton, the nice end, you know what I’m saying, my loves, don’t you? But then two weeks ago the seller pulled out at the last minute and everything fell through.

Oh, God, it was awful, wasn’t it? We were so disappointed.

But we kept looking and then yesterday this amazing house in Fulham came on the market, and I said to Kyle, this is it, this is the one. I just knew.