The weather is warmer than I thought. We sit outside and take the carriage to the coast and I see the sea, the wonderful ocean stretching before me, the sounds of waves I have not heard since I was a child, so much more reassuring and welcoming than the sounds of the winds and trees blowing back at home. I could sit for hours watching the little ones on the sands, the baby asleep in her cot, talking easily and freely with my sister as if we have never been apart. She gives me a pile of novels to indulge in and I feel alive, awake and content. I have almost forgotten my need for Miss Lister.

Weeks pass in our tranquillity with the children, breakfasts, lunches, reading, sewing, receiving visitors. Elizabeth updates me with what she hears from family in Yorkshire, often about me. I do not tell her anything at first, I just laugh at the gossip and respond to any references to Miss Lister with my well-rehearsed line: she was just a new acquaintance. Past tense.

Then Sutherland returns from his business down in London and bursts through our quietude. She reassures me he is only to be home a short while, but all of us are tense around him, almost not daring to be in the same room or breathe loudly in his presence. He asks rude questions such as why am I not married yet, what am I doing with the estate, have I written my will and what’s this I hear about a Gentleman Jack of Halifax? It takes all my strength not to be cold towards him but to answer courteously, not to let the children see that I am as afraid of him as their mother is. Elizabeth must be always on guard; most days, he strides in at an unpredictable hour without a word, his intentions clear, and she rises and goes with him to their bedroom, leaving me with the children and the nanny. She comes down a short while later and acts as if she just went to read him some poems, but she then holds the children closely as if they give her strength.

Thankfully after just a week he leaves again, seemingly keen to get back down to London for business. He seems bored by life here and anxious to return to his gentlemen’s clubs. He tells us he has seen boxing in the capital and is supporting one of the fighters. Later, Elizabeth reassures me he will be gone for a month this time. It takes a few days for us to really believe he is gone and not jump at every opening door, but slowly we relax, the children brighten, the servants are less skittish and visitors begin to arrive again.