It felt as though we were sitting miles apart. Just when I had convinced myself that I had imagined our previous encounter and that there was no chance of it occurring again, as we left she touched my hand, pulled me close and her lips brushed against my cheek. I know I blushed. I fairly staggered into the carriage. I wonder if my aunt noticed, or Miss Lister’s aunt or sister, or any of the servants who watch us closely and no doubt judge us? But what harm is it, for two women to have some affection between them? Two single women at that. We are not having an affair or causing a scandal, so why does the thought of her cause a fear in me? That perhaps there is more than just a kiss on her mind? Or am I more afraid that she only wants a kiss from me and then it will be done? I fear I will receive no letter or invitation and she will head off again on her travels and never give me a second thought.

She has mainly lived in France for several years now. I should like to see it. I’ve never had much opportunity to travel. My family has surrounded me and kept me occupied with trivial visits and letter writing and are always trying to turn my opinion this way or that, suggesting various men with whom I could become acquainted.

Some days I wish I’d never inherited the Walker estate. The grief of losing both my parents at just nineteen was never worth this turmoil. I long for them to be back with me. I wish my father had advised my sister Elizabeth and me on what we should do, but he passed quickly and my mother shortly afterwards. Then we lost our dear brother too. To this day I still do not know the full length and breadth of the estate I inherited, although I know it must be large, given the way my family circles around me, all wanting a piece, all telling me that if I do not marry the estate will be broken up and lost – as if I should care what happens after I die!