I walk to the farthest part of the gardens on the edge of the wood. The woods lure me in, but I stop. It is as if I am standing on the edge of civilization, the well-mown grass, planted flowers and gravel pathways a place of human-built structures, but if I were to take just one more step the world around me would change into the wilderness of unkempt grounds, of mud and leaf-fall and the trees rising up either side blocking out the light and stretching before me as far as I can see, as if, were I to enter them, I would be held inside the woods for eternity. I fear that if I walk too far into the woods, I shall turn around and it will have closed in behind me and I will never find my way out. So I stand on the precipice, where I can admire the trees but I cannot be lost in them. I gaze into the woods with no end for as long as I can before a chill rises in me and I turn quickly back to face the house, the safe place where it is warm, and I am surrounded by memories and portraits of ancestors with whom I have been familiar my whole life, though never having known them. I want to rush back, but I make myself stand on the edge for as long as I can bear it.

Loneliness is silent. Does she feel it too? The world so large, the skies above and the Earth beneath and we small beings perched on the top, held perfectly. Wherever we go we touch the Earth, unable to float up or sink down. It steadies me. The few times I have ventured farther than I have known before, I have felt there has not been enough air. The Earth seems to move differently; it is not the piece of ground I know. It is not Walker land where my ancestors stood. God can find me if I am here. How will He watch over me if I wander? Does He see me in the Moss House? Does He see me here on the edge of the woods, like a tethered horse who can only graze in a circle? Does the tether give the horse security, or does she long to run free?

With Miss Lister I can walk farther. Even though my feet become sore and my back aches, when holding her arm I feel as if I could walk around the world. I do not turn to look for home, as she becomes the point to which I am tethered and she holds me firm. She likes to walk up towards High Sunderland Hall from where she can look down on her estate. I am happy standing beside her, but if she were to leave me there, I would come undone.