She is as bad as Marian and Father with her indecision. How have any of them survived this long? At least with Miss Walker the indecision can be explained, partly, by her mollycoddled upbringing where the poor thing didn’t have to make a single decision for herself until her parents died. It is their fault for raising such a meek child, so dependent on others. The only chance she stood was being watched over by her brother, who by all accounts sounded delightful, but then he went and died on his honeymoon, selfishly leaving a widow with child, later stillborn, and his two hopeless sisters. What chance did they stand?

This waiting on an answer makes me anxious and I snap at her. It’s been months. How hard can it be? I wish she would just choose. It is not a matter of life and death. It is a matter of love and surely, if she loves me she will commit to me and if she does not love me then she will not, and we can quit this ridiculous charade. Of course, I will miss our kisses. But the Moss House does not have her name over the door. I will find someone else to enjoy it with.

Damn her, why does she plague my mind even when she is not with me?

Miss Walker

How can I tell her? What will she think of me? We have kissed and more in her Moss House. Months have passed, and I have remained dumb. I should have been grieving; I have acted too quickly. Now she wants commitment as if we are to be engaged. How can I tell her my fiancé has died, and not long before we first kissed in summer? Oh God, I am awful. I thought I loved him. I thought I was grieving. And yet one look at Miss Lister and all I wanted to do was to kiss her.

I shall write her a letter perhaps. Oh, that’s cowardly, but she makes me afraid. She judges me unfairly. She cannot understand. She tells me she has never loved before me, though I’m sure that cannot be true. But if it is, and I am the first, can she bear that I have loved another?

Oh, my poor Mr Fraser. A sweet, gentle man, who would have loved me and protected me and treated me kindly.

How do I break this to Miss Lister?

Miss Lister

With my face under her skirts she tells me in a quick sentence that she was engaged to be married, but he died just before we met. I am dumbfounded. No hint of this revelation prior to this moment. I am lost for words. She looks at me and I cannot tell if she wants me to sympathise, be angry or just plain continue.