Without meaning to, I allow myself to picture us here together at Shibden Hall. Half my daydreams allow pessimism to creep in and I imagine her annoying me with not wanting to walk or socialise and not standing up for herself, and I imagine us falling out and me sending her back to her home of Crow Nest. The other half of my thoughts see us in contentment, living side by side, going for walks, tending to the estate, drawing up plans for more renovations and improvements and retiring to our bedroom together where she allows me to pleasure her.

It dawns on me suddenly that Miss Walker is a very wealthy heiress with a considerable sum at her disposal, one which far overshadows my own income. If she would love me and live with me here at Shibden, I may be able to avail myself of some of her wealth.

It is a selfish, shallow thought, but once thought, I cannot unthink it. Suddenly wooing Miss Walker becomes more than just seeking pleasure and companionship. Wooing Miss Walker could also result in my financial benefit. I could finish my grand plans for the Hall. Moreover, what I have wanted to do for several years, but not had the means to do, is travel farther afield, beyond Paris, beyond Europe. Winning Miss Walker would mean I have the finances to travel and do it in more luxury than ever before.

I write to her again and say I am now suddenly free on Saturday to visit her at Crow Nest if it is not too soon and she is available. I wager she will be.

Miss Walker

Three different relatives have written to me now whom I’ve not heard from for months. Now suddenly they all appear, concerned for my welfare. News of my new friendship with Miss Lister has travelled fast; yet their warnings only add to my feelings that I wish to see her, and I care ever less for what anyone else thinks. I admire that Miss Lister seems so unabashed by what people say. I shall endeavour to be more like her. What reputation is it that I have to lose by my acquaintance with her? I do not believe I even have a reputation, so little have I been involved in the world. I should like to have more of a reputation; whether it be good or bad, at least I should have one. Let me be the talk of the family, the church, the town and all of Yorkshire!

I believe I am past my final opportunity of marriage to a man, so what damage can a friendship with an ‘odd fellow’ like Miss Lister do? I shall become an ‘odd fellow’ too.