I wonder ever more why she stays with me and does not cast me back to Crow Nest. When I voice this, she kneels before me and promises me she loves me and will be with me forever. She tells me over and over that I am her wife and that she will never leave me and will do anything for me, but I see how much this plays on her; my silence, my tears that I cannot help but let fall. She is trapped here with me and she paces back and forth, back and forth, and for all her protestations that she will wait for me, care for me, never cast me out and never leave me, I see her as a lion. Trapped. One day someone will leave the door open and her wildness, so supressed inside her over all these years with me, will overcome her, and she will start to run and keep running and never look back. Anne is the Lister lion we pass each day on the carved staircase. Anne is the six-foot stone lion that stares at anyone who arrives or leaves Shibden. Who am I to keep her caged?

Miss Lister

Just the two of us for Christmas Day.

All those years I begrudged the presence of my family and now I miss them terribly. Marian did at least pay us a brief visit, but it was like meeting a stranger. She has gone the way of Mrs Priestley, cold and aloof, as if she has closed her doors to us. I hold her closely as she leaves; can she not see that I am her sister still, who cares for her and loves her? Why does she care what we do alone, in private? It does not change who I am or what I feel. I’m glad Aunt and Father did not live to see how we sisters turned out. We never got on well but we did love each other. Aunt told me to look after Marian, but she is lost to me.

I decide to try for some pleasure with Ann. It has been too long. I am kind and gentle to her all day and sneak a few kisses to her cheek as I pass her by and she smiles, and by the time we are seated for supper I squeeze her hand and run my fingers across her cheek and gently loosen one of her curls. I play with her feet under the table, even as we are served food, and she giggles. For a moment I am transformed to our earlier days, but she pulls her feet back out of reach. I persist and continue to catch her eye as I ask her about her plans for the coming year and top up her wine.