I didn’t reply to that. I ripped up the photo and threw it into the bin. I tried to focus on what I’d be doing this time next year. I needed to get away, I knew that. I found a property website on my laptop and started to search for houses far away from here. I looked at places I loved to visit: Edinburgh and York, London and Brighton. It took about five minutes to realize that I couldn’t afford a thing in any of those cities. I started to make a list of cheaper places that I could go to, then started to think about whether I wanted to stay in Britain or whether I should pack up and go abroad. I could wait until my parents came home, then go off to Melbourne. Perhaps I could stay with Fiona until I got myself sorted out.

Or maybe I should go traveling. Set off with no goal in mind, just me and a backpack. The thought flashed into my mind that I struggled to carry a couple of bags of shopping home. I’d go to the gym, then. Run every day instead of just when I felt like it. Become fit. Yes, traveling sounded amazing. Then I panicked. Traveling implied I’d return: What did I have to come back to?

Dave Matthews was singing “Some Devil” from my playlist. No wonder I was feeling depressed. I’d just clicked on Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” in an attempt to cheer myself up when the phone rang. I swore under my breath when I saw an unfamiliar mobile number. Instead of being scared of it, as I had been, I was suddenly furious.

“Hello?”

“Hello, love,” said a man with a strong local accent. “Can you fit me in tonight? I can come round to yours.”

I looked at my watch. Tonight? It was already nearly eleven o’clock.

I softened my voice. “Sure, sweetheart,” I said. “No problem. But you’re new, aren’t you? I don’t recognize your number.”

“Er, yeah.” He was clearly trying to keep his voice low and hadn’t figured on a long conversation. I wondered for a moment about his situation. Was he at home, telling his wife he was about to walk the dog? In a moment of hysteria I wondered whether he intended to bring the dog along, too. Or was he at the end of a shift at work, trying not to let his boss hear him and thinking his wife would be none the wiser if he was late home, because she’d be asleep anyway? “I haven’t been to you before.”