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Back The Cliff House Save as PDF
Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. Booklist
  3. Title Page
  4. Praise
  5. Dedication
  6. Prologue
  7. CHAPTER ONE
  8. CHAPTER TWO
  9. CHAPTER THREE
  10. CHAPTER FOUR
  11. CHAPTER FIVE
  12. CHAPTER SIX
  13. CHAPTER SEVEN
  14. CHAPTER EIGHT
  15. CHAPTER NINE
  16. CHAPTER TEN
  17. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  18. CHAPTER TWELVE
  19. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  20. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  21. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  22. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  23. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  24. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  25. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  44. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  45. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  52. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  53. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  54. CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
  55. CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
  56. CHAPTER FIFTY
  57. CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
  58. CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
  59. CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
  60. CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
  61. CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
  62. Epilogue
  63. Acknowledgements
  64. About the Publisher

Jago stubs his half-smoked cigarette out on a stone at his feet and slips it back into his tobacco pouch, then turns and walks back across the graveyard.

By the time he gets back to the cottage it is dark and quiet. A cat startles and scoots up the road. The downstairs window in the house next door flickers with light from a television. He opens the door. Peers into the gloom in the kitchen. Everything is clean. The tea towel is folded over the tap to dry. The plate with the cold egg and chips is still on the side with the cloth laid over it.

The only sound is the ticking of the clock on the wall.

As he passes the sitting room he looks in. He expects to find her asleep, but instead she is sitting upright on the edge of her foldaway bed, nightie on, hands lightly clasped in her lap.

‘Are you okay?’ Her voice is soft.

He has so much he wants to say to her. To tell her he wants to make her proud. That he wants her to look at him from across a crowded room and point him out to anyone who’ll listen. He wants to be able to buy her nice clothes so she can throw her old ones away when they get holes and not have to stitch them up in front of the three-bar. He wants to surprise her with chocolates. Wants her to only eat the ones she likes and not care about wasting the coffee creams.

He wants to tell her he loves her.

‘I’m sorry.’ It’s all he can manage. The other stuff is lodged inside him.

He drags his feet up the stairs. He can never be the man he knows he should be. A man his father would be proud to call his son. While his mother worries about red-topped bills and food in their bellies, what does he do? Kicks around feeling sorry for himself. Moans about unemployment and the government and Tory wankers who live up their own arses. He smokes weed he can’t afford. Apathy is his constant companion, his Peter Pan shadow, sewn to his heels so he can never escape it. It’s like he’s slipped into a waking coma. He is numb.

He wishes he’d told her how much he loves her. He considers going back to her. Sitting beside her, wrapping himself around her, feeling her breath on his skin. But he doesn’t.

Instead he retrieves the half-smoked cigarette from his pouch, brushes off the strands of tobacco, and lies back on his pillow to smoke it.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Tamsyn

August 1986

‘Does it hurt?’

Edie nodded. ‘Of course it does. But you need it to hurt. If it didn’t hurt everybody would do it and then what would be the point?’