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Chapters (90)
  1. PROLOGUE
  2. 1849
  3. ONE
  4. TWO
  5. EDINBURGH
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. TWELVE
  16. THIRTEEN
  17. FOURTEEN
  18. FIFTEEN
  19. SIXTEEN
  20. SEVENTEEN
  21. EIGHTEEN
  22. NINETEEN
  23. TWENTY
  24. TWENTY-ONE
  25. TWENTY-TWO
  26. TWENTY-THREE
  27. TWENTY-FOUR
  28. TWENTY-FIVE
  29. TWENTY-SIX
  30. TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. TWENTY-NINE
  33. THIRTY
  34. THIRTY-ONE
  35. THIRTY-TWO
  36. THIRTY-THREE
  37. THIRTY-FOUR
  38. THIRTY-FIVE
  39. THIRTY-SIX
  40. THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. THIRTY-NINE
  43. FORTY
  44. FORTY-ONE
  45. FORTY-TWO
  46. FORTY-THREE
  47. FORTY-FOUR
  48. FORTY-FIVE
  49. FORTY-SIX
  50. FORTY-SEVEN
  51. FORTY-EIGHT
  52. FORTY-NINE
  53. FIFTY
  54. FIFTY-ONE
  55. FIFTY-TWO
  56. FIFTY-THREE
  57. FIFTY-FOUR
  58. FIFTY-FIVE
  59. FIFTY-SIX
  60. FIFTY-SEVEN
  61. FIFTY-EIGHT
  62. FIFTY-NINE
  63. SIXTY
  64. SIXTY-ONE
  65. SIXTY-TWO
  66. SIXTY-THREE
  67. SIXTY-FOUR
  68. SIXTY-FIVE
  69. SIXTY-SIX
  70. SIXTY-SEVEN
  71. SIXTY-EIGHT
  72. SIXTY-NINE
  73. SEVENTY
  74. SEVENTY-ONE
  75. SEVENTY-TWO
  76. SEVENTY-THREE
  77. SEVENTY-FOUR
  78. SEVENTY-FIVE
  79. SEVENTY-SIX
  80. SEVENTY-SEVEN
  81. SEVENTY-EIGHT
  82. SEVENTY-NINE
  83. EIGHTY
  84. EIGHTY-ONE
  85. EPILOGUE
  86. HISTORICAL NOTE
  87. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  88. Extract from A Corruption of Blood
  89. 1850
  90. ONE

‘Sleep now, Alec,’ he said.

FORTY-FIVE

logo missing can speak now of a time beyond childhood, in which my memories do not feel at one remove. My mind puts up no barriers between the woman I am now and its recollections of the mere girl I was before, and for the most part I enjoy remembering. I did not enjoy all that was happening to me, but there is pleasure in revisiting the stations on a journey towards my becoming someone greater, someone stronger.

At each station I became less afraid.

I started work at the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh when I was sixteen years of age. That was not merely when I became a nurse, but when I became defined by something other than those who had control of me, the people I belonged to.

Mrs Dempster was reluctant to spare me, but Mr Dempster proved my advocate and over-ruled her wishes. I have not spoken much of him, but I will say now that he was always fair towards me. He never for a moment regarded me as a daughter, but he did regard my upkeep as his responsibility. Consequently, he saw that were I to find employment of my own, in time I would be able to leave, and his obligation would be discharged.

Mrs Dempster deferred to his wishes, of course. His might have been the word of God, so obsequious was she in executing his authority over his household. I recognised it from how many of the women at the Institute had deferred to the Reverend Gillies: if he was God’s instrument on Earth, then they would be his instruments, and by extension a functioning part of His divine order.

Yet Mrs Dempster never demonstrated affection towards him, or even gave the impression she was fond of him as a person. I believe she merely liked the idea of him, all he represented and how that reflected upon her. He was a living totem of what she regarded as her achievements, the sum of which was being his wife.

I heard her talk to her friends about his position at the bank, exaggerating his importance, embellishing his achievements. I was sure everything they said of their own husbands carried the same weight of gilding upon the truth. It was all part of the dance, this institution of the family: revered and hallowed by all, yet clearly constructed upon lies and artifice and pretence.