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Back The Art of Dying Save as PDF
Chapters (90)
  1. PROLOGUE
  2. 1849
  3. ONE
  4. TWO
  5. EDINBURGH
  6. THREE
  7. FOUR
  8. FIVE
  9. SIX
  10. SEVEN
  11. EIGHT
  12. NINE
  13. TEN
  14. ELEVEN
  15. TWELVE
  16. THIRTEEN
  17. FOURTEEN
  18. FIFTEEN
  19. SIXTEEN
  20. SEVENTEEN
  21. EIGHTEEN
  22. NINETEEN
  23. TWENTY
  24. TWENTY-ONE
  25. TWENTY-TWO
  26. TWENTY-THREE
  27. TWENTY-FOUR
  28. TWENTY-FIVE
  29. TWENTY-SIX
  30. TWENTY-SEVEN
  31. TWENTY-EIGHT
  32. TWENTY-NINE
  33. THIRTY
  34. THIRTY-ONE
  35. THIRTY-TWO
  36. THIRTY-THREE
  37. THIRTY-FOUR
  38. THIRTY-FIVE
  39. THIRTY-SIX
  40. THIRTY-SEVEN
  41. THIRTY-EIGHT
  42. THIRTY-NINE
  43. FORTY
  44. FORTY-ONE
  45. FORTY-TWO
  46. FORTY-THREE
  47. FORTY-FOUR
  48. FORTY-FIVE
  49. FORTY-SIX
  50. FORTY-SEVEN
  51. FORTY-EIGHT
  52. FORTY-NINE
  53. FIFTY
  54. FIFTY-ONE
  55. FIFTY-TWO
  56. FIFTY-THREE
  57. FIFTY-FOUR
  58. FIFTY-FIVE
  59. FIFTY-SIX
  60. FIFTY-SEVEN
  61. FIFTY-EIGHT
  62. FIFTY-NINE
  63. SIXTY
  64. SIXTY-ONE
  65. SIXTY-TWO
  66. SIXTY-THREE
  67. SIXTY-FOUR
  68. SIXTY-FIVE
  69. SIXTY-SIX
  70. SIXTY-SEVEN
  71. SIXTY-EIGHT
  72. SIXTY-NINE
  73. SEVENTY
  74. SEVENTY-ONE
  75. SEVENTY-TWO
  76. SEVENTY-THREE
  77. SEVENTY-FOUR
  78. SEVENTY-FIVE
  79. SEVENTY-SIX
  80. SEVENTY-SEVEN
  81. SEVENTY-EIGHT
  82. SEVENTY-NINE
  83. EIGHTY
  84. EIGHTY-ONE
  85. EPILOGUE
  86. HISTORICAL NOTE
  87. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  88. Extract from A Corruption of Blood
  89. 1850
  90. ONE

He wanted to say that it was a more complex matter than that, but he did not wish to encourage further scrutiny. She was older than him, wiser than him, and he feared there was little he could hide from her. He wondered, then, why he wished to.

Raven thought about the men Gabriela must have had before him. He did not contemplate it in a way that was jealous or disapproving. Rather, he wondered what version of herself she had presented to each of them. He wondered at the lives with which she had intersected, the many people she had been.

‘Gabriela, you have lived in several different places, uprooted yourself and started again. Is it possible to become someone else, to create yourself anew? Or do you always bring with you the person you truly are?’

Gabriela traced a finger across Raven’s chest.

‘I think the question you must ask is who it is you wish to become. Do you even know?’

‘I wish to be a successful medical practitioner. Respected by my peers and sought after by patients.’

‘Why would you need to change yourself in order to do that? It is everything you have been educating yourself for.’

‘Yes, but in Edinburgh the standards and expectations are so high, and I fear I will betray myself somehow. It is a place where reputation is everything.’

Gabriela raised an eyebrow and stared intently at him.

‘You would speak to a woman such as myself about reputation? If you had any notion of the disdain to which I have been subject …’

‘But that is why I ask. Can you truly become the person society expects? Or is it always a matter of wearing a mask to hide your flawed nature?’

Gabriela considered this a while before answering.

‘If you wear it long enough, a mask will become a comfortable fit. But you risk losing the man behind it.’

Raven thought it sounded a price worth paying.

‘I have been to London, Paris, Vienna, Leipzig, and now Berlin. I have studied at great institutions, learned at the hands of great men. I should feel transformed, and yet in many respects I fear I have not changed at all. I thought that the more I learned, the more I experienced of the world, the more of a man I would become. I thought that I would feel certain of myself. But instead I feel as though the world just keeps getting larger and I am not growing to meet it.’

Gabriela nodded, giving him a sympathetic look that was at once comforting and yet made him feel like a child.

‘I suspect that you have journeyed long enough, Will Raven. If you have become lost, there is only one place you can be sure to find yourself.’

EDINBURGH

THREE