When Lou starts to sink these days, I feel myself adjusting so I don’t disappear as well. I do things like pretend my Oyster card isn’t working so the bus driver has to talk to me, or I smile at people until they’re forced to smile back. A mal tiempo, buena cara. In bad weather a good face. Old people are the best targets.

We once had a counsellor come into school to talk to us about bullying. He asked us to consider very carefully if any of our own behaviour could unwittingly be bullying. I carefully considered it and decided my smile heisting was probably borderline. But getting a smile from a pensioner at virtual gunpoint makes me feel like I’m still in the human race.

I know I won’t remember everything, but I’ll remember the small things.

They’re still sitting out there when we say our goodbyes and see yas and have a great days, but they barely notice us leaving. And even though I will myself not to look back, I can’t help it. Danny’s still scribbling away on his notepad and if the guy’s just faking it and waiting for us to leave so he can do one, he’s hiding it pretty well. Lou’s pretending not to watch him, but she definitely is. I tell myself it’s not so much, this small thing that’s happened while I wasn’t looking, but as I walk away I can feel something creeping, tightening around my chest. Because it definitely is.

I follow Dom and George out to the car and the guy next door is having a good gawk over the hedge, as usual. Before he has time to look away, I give him a wave and the biggest smile I can come up with at such short notice.

‘Hey, dude.’

It’s the unexpectedness that always gets them. Old Ray can’t resist, and he looks more stunned than me at his jerky nod and the sudden awkward baring of his teeth. I feel instantly better because at least I’ve still got that.

‘Haha, Dad. Did you hear that? She called Ray a DUDE!’

And George. There’s George.

23

Danny

I could hear muffled voices coming from Lou’s room and took a moment to enjoy the novelty of not immediately rushing to scope out the nearest escape route.

When I came out of the toilet the voices stopped abruptly, then Dom’s head appeared from behind Lou’s door. ‘Hey, mate. Come in here for a sec, will you?’

When I got there, four people turned to look at me in a way that could only be described as expectant; even George, who’d learned to expect extremely very little from me. I was slightly distracted, having spent the entire day in the shed trying to answer a particularly tricky letter, so when Dom went in hard and without warning I didn’t have a hope in hell.

‘Listen, would you be OK to help out with Lou’s leg dressings? Wolfie’s going to be staying back at school for a little bit, so she’s not going to have a lot of time.’ I glanced over at Wolfie and she immediately looked at the floor.