All afternoon while I was (still) unpacking boxes, I couldn’t stop thinking about that poor dog sitting there waiting to be picked up, and then eventually meeting some terrible fate when he wasn’t. So instead of taking the stock out to the shop floor, I snuck out the back, jumped on a train via a cashpoint machine, and turned up at Croydon Council’s dog warden to reclaim somebody else’s dog. All I knew was that he was a retriever and his name was Arnold, so I was ready for the biggest bluff of my life. But the guy couldn’t have been less interested, and when he brought the dog out, even though that was the first time we’d laid eyes on each other, he clearly recognised me as his ticket out of there and jumped all over me like I was a long-lost friend.

I took him home on the Tube and we sat opposite one of those ‘quotes on the underground’ posters. This one was by Mark Twain, and it started off, ‘A dog is a gentleman,’ and then something about wanting to go to dog’s heaven not man’s. When we were walking back to my bedsit, which most definitely didn’t allow animals, I mentioned the quote to Arnold and his ears proper shot up. And so I thought, new life, new name, and Arnold became Gentleman. Incidentally, we also had to find a new home pretty quickly.

Now, I know for a fact that dog doesn’t approve of everything I do, and frankly who could blame him, but there’s nobody who loves me more. He doesn’t give a toss about what I’ve done in the past, he just knows who I am to him now. And, hand on heart, I’ve never been a more honest man than since I met him.

So, get a dog and I guarantee you’ll never be lonely again. Get a dog and you’ll never sleep past seven thirty in the morning, so you’ll always know when it’s day and when it’s night – which by the way, since you asked, I think matters a great deal. Get a dog, Mr Rich T. Biscuit, and maybe he will be your gentleman.

Yours, also very sincerely,

Danny Mulberry

P.S. I saw a sign outside a church once that said, ‘The secret of success is sincerity.’ As it goes, I think that might be exactly what I needed reminding of, so thanks for the nudge.

22

Wolfie

I watch them through the open door, and if it wasn’t for Dom sitting right there I might have changed my mind about breakfast.

‘They’re outside.’ Dom’s looking over the top of his paper at me, and even though he knows I’ve already seen them, he nods his head casually in the direction of the patio. Like it’s no big deal, nothing to see here. Only there is, and when I catch his eye we both know it.

It’s a shock seeing them together like that – although it was probably a bigger one for Danny. Too slow, bro? Run out of birthday bashes? She head you off at the pass? It’s tempting, but the thought of disappointing Dom dries my salty words before they get a decent run-up. I can’t hear the details, but there’s definitely something like a conversation happening out there. The thought makes my stomach flip and I don’t know why. Or I do.