‘Big day, hey, mate?’ Big few weeks more like it, Jaz, and you probably wouldn’t bloody believe me if I told you, I thought.

‘Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all before, feel free to try me.’

I knew that if I was getting confused between what I was thinking and what I was saying out loud, I was liable to say or do anything, so under the circumstances I thought it best to keep a lid on it. I smiled, sat back and crossed my legs as God knows how many pints of beer and lemonade came home to roost.

When we got to Lou’s flat (which was a near miracle in itself, with no actual address and only a month-old memory of Tottenham’s landmarks), I was going to wing it and tell Jaz I might have to wait a couple of minutes for my friend to get home with a key, but not two seconds after we pulled up I saw a man with both hands full of grocery bags heading in the direction of the building. When he stopped and put the bags down on the doorstep to find his keys, I leaped into action and jumped out of the cab, throwing Jaz my Halifax card through the window.

‘For security. Keep the meter running, babe. I’ll be back, I promise. Don’t go anywhere.’ I was about to run, then I turned back and added, ‘Please. And sorry about the babe thing, man. Ma’am. I owe you.’

‘Yeah, well that’s the general idea, mate.’ Jaz had a point, but she also had my debit card and she was smiling, so I was hopeful she was on board.

I slipped in the front door behind the guy just seconds before it shut, made it up the stairs with only a slight stumble, and knocked on the door of the flat. No answer. But if there was a teenage girl in there hiding out, she wouldn’t, would she? I sent up a silent prayer, steadied myself on the wall, and slid the mat aside with my foot. The key I’d seen Wolfie so casually drop was there, for which my bladder and I were extremely grateful.

‘If you’re here, Wolfie, fair warning, I’m coming in.’

There was no sound from inside, and as soon as I pushed open the door I knew she wasn’t there. The place had a definite air of emptiness, but I quickly checked every room to confirm no signs of life before heading for the loo. After enjoying the relief only a long-held bladder can know, I splashed my face with water again and looked around the small, neat bathroom. I wondered if Lou missed brushing her teeth in that pale-pink sink, or curling her toes into that soft fluffy mat, and when I went back out to the lounge and looked around at the furniture, the books, the pictures, all the stuff that made up my sister’s life, it struck me how easily she’d walked away from it.