Thank you very much and by the way, I know I’m a cat, if that helps with your ideas.

Jossie Jones, Finchley.

WHERE THE GOOD ONES HIDE

Dear Jossie, somewhat to my surprise I am well. Very well. Better than I’ve been for years, and thank you for asking. I have to say your letter blew my mind a bit, because when I was ten years old I could hardly write a Christmas card, and then you go and send me that. You’ve asked for my help, so I’m going to try my hardest to be helpful, but you need to know that you are, without a doubt, already way smarter than I’ll ever be. I do have a bit more life experience, though, so here goes.

The thing about friends is this, Jossie: if you want a good one (and believe me, this is one department where you don’t want to settle for anything less than the best), sometimes you have to be patient, because they aren’t always where, or who, you expect them to be. I don’t mean there’s any shortage of folk you can have quite a pleasant time with, because on the whole, as I hope you’ll discover in the future, humans are mostly good people. (Those girls in your class might be exceptions in the making, and even though this isn’t the place to go into detail about a boy called Joe Fletcher who I knew when I was your age, just know he exists and is another fine example of the kind of friend you don’t want.) I’m just saying you might have to wait a little longer for a good one.

I had to wait ages for my best friend to come along, and when he did he was absolutely nothing like I thought he’d be. But I think maybe that’s the way it works. That whoever’s up there in the sky jiggling the strings sends the right people into your life exactly when you need them. When I met Dom at a concert, I wanted to go hard and push our way through the crowd and get to the front for the best view of the band. But he convinced me that if we worked our way around the edges we wouldn’t get mashed up, and we’d actually be able to take it all in better from a bit further away instead of drowning in our own sweat and losing a toe or an eye. He was dead right, too, and I probably should have learned a valuable life lesson that night, but I think I learned it just now so better late than never, eh?

Anyway, that’s how I think I can be of help to you, Jossie, by telling you not to go looking into the in-crowd for a friend, because the in-crowd isn’t really known for looking back. Stick to the edges, the shadows, the out crowd – because that’s where the good people hide. And believe me, the view is a lot better from there.