That worried me, because if Dom was involved, maybe I really had messed something up while I was supposed to be looking after Lou’s injuries.

‘A Tesco van is a pretty big target, Danny. Easy to see and also pretty easy to miss, is what I mean.’ Now I was just confused. How had the conversation flipped to Tesco vans? This was shaping up to be a bit of a sticky wicket.

‘I saw that thing coming from half a block away. I had time, Danny.’ I was vaguely aware I was staring at my sister like some kind of lunatic, and it was probably time to blink.

‘What I’m saying is, I think I could have. Missed it, I mean. But I didn’t. I didn’t even try.’

Batter down.

34

Danny

When someone tells you they’ve deliberately ridden a moped into a four-tonne Tesco truck, I think you’d be excused if you needed a minute.

I did have form for getting the complete wrong end of the stick on many occasions, so I cut myself a few seconds of slack. But when I was able to bring myself to look at Lou again, I knew I hadn’t misheard.

Her arms were crossed loosely over her chest and I was lined up in a steady gaze. I was very consciously trying to compartmentalise the babble in my brain (thanks to Nature, Nurture and Nachos, which I’d picked up again a few nights before and not put down until the last page at 3 a.m.), but in amongst the mess, what Lou had said stood out like a hat on a cow. I knew I should say something, but things were quite sparse up there in the department of replies. The progress Lou and I had made over the past month (even the past hour) felt like it had been knocked out of alignment. Apples were oranges, aces were low, black and white were grey. This.

In my head a succession of memories peeled back the years. My sister. Six years old. Four years old. Two. A day. The face that said I love you, I know you, I trust you, you can fix anything. You’re the guy that fights for me. And it had been true, because I’d fought for her since the day I met her. But now here she was, telling me . . . this. As if I was somehow equipped to be able to defend her now. Against herself?

Lou uncrossed her arms and made a steeple from her hands. Just for a moment she rested her forehead on it.

‘I think I lost my head, Danny.’ She raised her face and took a deep breath in. ‘I don’t even know how to explain it. It was just for a split second. I felt . . . God, I don’t know, properly mad or something. Everything felt so bloody hard. You know?’

It was so quiet I would have been able to hear Ray clipping his toenails next door if I’d listened out. Then a car door slammed out on the street, an engine started, Lou exhaled. The sound twanged around the garden and ricocheted off the walls of my shed.