I look at Suze, waiting for her to say, ‘Wow, what an amazing shop!’ But she’s just staring at me expectantly.

‘OK,’ she says. ‘What now? Do you just look around and think, “No, I don’t want any of this”?’

‘It’s a process,’ I say patiently, and get out my notebook. ‘First of all, I have to think, “Why I am shopping?” And I have to write it down.’ I look at the list of suggestions David gave me. Am I bored? No. Lonely? No. Anxious? No. For a moment I’m stumped. Why am I shopping?

‘I’ll put: “To show friend that I don’t shop too much any more,”’ I say at last. I write it down and underline it proudly.

‘Now what?’

‘Going shopping can often be a way of boosting low self-esteem,’ I say knowledgeably. ‘So I have to boost my self-esteem myself, with affirmations.’ I get out the Positive Thought cards that David gave me, and rifle through them. ‘Like this: I approve of myself and feel great about myself.’ I beam at Suze. ‘Isn’t that great? I’ve got loads of them.’

‘Let’s see!’ she says at once, holding out her hand.

‘Here you are.’ I hand her a card that says I accept others as they are and they in turn accept me as I am. ‘You can buy them here,’ I add. ‘And you can get really nice T-shirts with the affirmations printed on. Shall we try some on?’

‘Try on T-shirts?’ Suze stares at me. ‘Bex, I thought you’d given up shopping.’

‘I haven’t given up shopping.’ I almost laugh at her naive, simplistic attitude. ‘That’s not what this is about, Suze. It’s not about abstinence, it’s about getting into a healthy shopping pattern.’

That’s the lesson that really stuck with me from the session yesterday. It’s not about giving up shopping. As soon as David said that, the whole thing made more sense to me.

‘Well, wouldn’t it be healthier not to shop at all?’ Suze demands. ‘I mean, shouldn’t we leave?’

Suze really doesn’t get it. But then, she isn’t as tuned in to her inner mental landscape as me.

‘It’s actually a very bad idea to give up shopping altogether,’ I explain. ‘You have to learn to exercise your control muscle. Being in here is like a workout for me.’

‘Right.’ Suze looks dubious. ‘So what happens next?’

‘So, I’ll just make the purchases I need to, calmly and with meaning.’

I love that phrase. David kept saying it yesterday. You need to learn to shop calmly and with meaning.

‘But you don’t need to buy anything,’ objects Suze.

‘Yes I do! I need a book, actually. David told me to buy it. So.’ I lead my way over to the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy section, and reach for a book titled Catching Thoughts: Your Introduction to CBT.

‘This is what I do in my group,’ I say importantly, pointing at the title. ‘Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If I want to buy something and it’s not appropriate, I have to restructure my thoughts. I have to identify my cognitive errors and challenge them.’