‘Yes,’ I say smugly. ‘I had a special one-to-one session yesterday with David, one of the therapists, and we talked through my issues, and he gave me lots of coping mechanisms. I’m a changed person, Suze!’

‘Oh my God,’ says Suze weakly. ‘You’re serious.’

‘Of course I’m serious!’

‘So … what, you walk into a shop and you don’t want to buy anything?’

‘That’s not how it works,’ I say kindly. ‘It’s a journey, Suze. We’re all on a journey.’

‘Well, how does it work?’

‘I’ll show you! Come on, we’ll go to the gift shop.’

I drain my juice and leap up, by now totally cheered. I’m longing to show off all my new techniques. I haven’t had a chance to practise them yet, except in the mirror at home.

‘Ernie!’ commands Suze. ‘You’re in charge. Stay in the playground. We’ll just be in the shop, OK?’

‘It’s fine,’ I say. ‘We can see the playground from the shop. Come on!’

To be honest, I’ve been quite amazed at my own spectacular progress. When David came to find me at lunch one day, and suggested a one-to-one session to ‘discuss my shopping issues’, I wasn’t that keen. In fact I said, ‘Wow, that sounds fab, but actually, I’m a bit too busy.’

Then, when he set up a session anyway, I accidentally-on-purpose forgot to turn up. And then, when he came to find me in yoga, I … Well. I avoided him.

OK, I ran away, and hid behind a tree. Which I do appreciate was a bit childish. But he tracked me down in the café later that day and talked really sweetly to me and said if I hated what he said I could ignore it all.

So at last I had the session. And all I can say is, why did I never do this before? David kept saying, ‘These are the first baby steps,’ and, ‘I know you’ll find these ideas hard,’ and I agreed because I sensed that was what he wanted me to say. But honestly. I found them easy. I must be mentally very strong, or something.

He talked about ‘why people shop’, and then he told me about lots of different techniques that we could work on together, and then he told me how the lessons I’m learning in my other classes, like Mindfulness for a Positive Life and Tapping for Wellbeing, all feed into the same picture. And I nodded earnestly and took notes and then we talked about how I could go into the spending addiction programme when a space becomes available.

But the truth is, I don’t need to go into any spending addiction programme. I’m clearly a very fast learner, because I’ve totally got it. I have control over myself! I can’t wait to show Suze.

‘Here we are!’ I push open the doors to the gift shop. I have to say, it’s the most gorgeous shop. It’s all pale wood and scented candles burning, and everywhere you look is some beautiful, uplifting thing to help you on your journey, like a cashmere yoga hoody, or a soft, leather-bound ‘thought diary’, or positive affirmations printed on canvases. There’s a jewellery range, which is all made of organic crystals, and there are stacks of books and CDs, and even a range of ‘healing energy’ make-up.