‘Drivers know everything,’ chimes in Sage. ‘Hey, look, we made Fox News!’

The two of them are totally engrossed in the laptop. There’s no point me sticking around.

‘Well … bye then,’ I say, and reach for my phone. A few minutes later Mitchell and Jeff arrive at the front door in the blacked-out SUV and I slide in seamlessly, just as Lois described. It’s like the house was designed for discreet exits. As we make our way out of the gates, journalists start banging on the sides of the SUV and flashing cameras, shouting ‘Lois! Lois!’ until we manage to break free and drive off.

They thought I was her. The world has gone nuts. My head is still spinning and the blood is pulsing in my ears. What just happened there? What?

From: Kovitz, Danny

To: Kovitz, Danny

Subject: i’m so collld

so coooooooooollllld. can’ttt tyyype fingers agonynnn this issssn’t howexxpcteted

dddanananyyyy

SEVENTEEN

By the time Luke gets home that evening, I’m feeling calmer. The thing is, this is what Hollywood is like and you just have to get used to it. Yes, it seems completely freaky and messed up at first, but gradually it starts to feel more normal. They’re right. It is all a game. Everyone’s playing it, the stars, the journalists, the public, everyone. And if you don’t want to play, maybe you shouldn’t come to Hollywood.

On the plus side, Sage has been texting me all afternoon, and I’ve been texting back, and it’s like we’re best friends. I’m totally in the gang! Lois even texted me too, a few times. The forthcoming Camberly interview is already huge news, just as they said it would be. It’s been featured on every news website, and it’s all over the TV too, and the Sage-and-Lois soap opera is Topic A again.

They’ve been really clever. (At least, Lois has been really clever.) And now I’m part of it too! The best bit was this afternoon, when I was picking up the children from school. I’d already made quite an impression, what with Jeff and Mitchell and the blacked-out SUV. But then, when I was waiting at the pre-school door to get Minnie, Sage rang and I said, ‘Oh, hi Sage, how are you?’ just a bit more loudly than usual, and everyone turned to stare.

The only not-so-A-list thing is, all the photographers have disappeared from our gates, which is a bit disloyal of them. At least, not all. There’s one geeky Asian guy who is still hanging around. He has bleached-blond hair and today he was wearing a pink bomber jacket with tight black jeans and rubber ankle boots. I started to pose and he took a few snaps, then he beckoned me over and said excitedly, ‘You’re a friend of Danny Kovitz, right? The designer? Could you get me his autograph?’ It turns out his name is Lon and he’s a fashion-design student and he worships Danny. And now he worships me too because I’m a friend of Danny.