‘Try repeating this after me.’ I lean forward. ‘“Luke, my love, if we can just spend some time together—”’ I break off at Elinor’s rigid expression. I can see she isn’t going to go for ‘Luke, my love’. ‘All right, let’s try it a different way. You could say, “Luke, my angel …” Her face grows yet more rigid. ‘“Luke, my sweetheart … my darling—”’ I break off. ‘OK, what would you say?’

‘Luke, my son,’ says Elinor.

‘You sound like Darth Vader,’ I say bluntly. Elinor doesn’t even flinch.

‘So be it,’ she says, and sips her water.

That is totally a Darth Vader thing to say. Next she’ll be ordering the destruction of a thousand innocent Jedi younglings.

‘Well, do your best.’ I reach for my tea, feeling exhausted. ‘And I’ll do my best. That’s all we can do.’

From: Yeager, Mack

To: Brandon, Rebecca

Subject: Re: Darth Vader

Dear Rebecca

Thanks for your email.

There are many theories regarding the inspiration for Darth Vader, as outlined in my book Whence Anakin?, available from all good bookshops.

Whether he was based on a ‘real-life person’ as you suggest, and whether that person left ‘real-life genes swirling around in the gene pool for anyone to come across’, I think doubtful.

In short, I think it unlikely that your mother-in-law is related to Darth Vader.

All my best wishes and may the Force be with you,

Mack Yeager

President, SWGS

STAR WARS GENEALOGY SOCIETY

TWENTY

We’ve arranged that Elinor will come to the house at 7 p.m., and by ten to seven I’m swigging wine, trying to stay calm. I never knew being a peacemaker would be so nerve-racking. Does the Dalai Lama get this stressed out before he spreads peace throughout the world? Does he apply his lip gloss three times because he’s so flustered? (Not very likely, actually.)

At least Minnie went to bed without a fuss, and the older children are happily watching Wall-E. The intervention should be over by the time they have to go to bed. Or I suppose it should. How long does an intervention take?

Oh God, why did I ever decide to do this?

On the plus side, the Intervention Room (i.e. kitchen) looks brilliant. I’ve lit about twenty candles for a mellow, calming atmosphere, and I’ve got soft music playing and I’m wearing a green dress which is very soothing. At least, it would be soothing if it weren’t for the fact that it cost me $280 last week in Intermix and today I saw it marked down to $79.99! They could have warned me. They could have given me some secret sign. That assistant must have been laughing her head off as she wrapped it up.

Anyway. Never mind. Luke doesn’t need to know all of that. The point is, the room is ready and I’m ready and now all we need is for Elinor to arrive. I can’t pretend I’m not tense. And I can’t pretend the atmosphere isn’t tense. I keep glancing at Luke, wondering how he’ll react.