I quickly look around, trying to get my bearings. There’s an endless road stretching ahead, lined with pretty Art Deco buildings. Beyond that is a lawned area, and I can see more buildings in the distance. I couldn’t track down a map of the studio lot online so I’m just going to have to find my own way.

‘This way, ma’am.’ A young man with blond hair, a dark jacket and a headset is approaching me. ‘We have one more space on our cart.’

I turn to see that a whole fleet of golf carts have turned up, and all the tourists are getting on. The blond guy is gesturing to the back seat of a cart that seats six people and is nearly full.

I don’t want to get on. I want to find the wardrobe department. But I guess I have no choice.

‘Great.’ I smile at him. ‘Thanks.’

Reluctantly I climb on to the back of the cart and buckle up, next to an old lady in pink seersucker shorts who is filming everything with a video recorder. She even swings round to take a shot of me, and I do a little wave. The blond guy has got into the front of the cart and is handing out headphones.

‘Hi!’ His voice booms into my ears as soon as my headphones are on. ‘My name is Shaun and I’ll be your guide for today. I’m gonna take you on a fascinating tour of Sedgewood Studios, past, present and future. We’ll see the places where all your favourite shows and movies have been filmed. And while we’re on our tour, keep your eyes peeled, and you might just spot one of our stars at work. Yesterday I was beginning a tour just like this one, when who should we see strolling by but Matt Damon!’

‘Matt Damon!’

‘I love him!’

‘His films are awesome!’

At once, everyone starts looking around excitedly as if he might appear again, and one man even starts snapping his camera at empty space.

This is just like being on safari. In fact, I’m amazed they don’t do celebrity safaris. I wonder who the ‘Big Five’ would be. Brad Pitt, obviously, and Angelina. And imagine if you saw the whole family together. It would be like when we came across a lioness feeding her cubs in the Masai Mara.

‘Now, we’re gonna travel back in time, to the glory days of Sedgewood,’ Shaun is saying. ‘I’m gonna share with you some magical moments in film history. So sit back, and enjoy!’

The golf cart moves off, and we all look around politely at the white buildings and the lawns and the trees. After a while we stop, and Shaun shows us the fountain where Johnno proposed to Mari on We Were So Young, in 1963.

I never saw We Were So Young. In fact, I’ve never even heard of it, so that doesn’t mean an awful lot to me. Quite a nice fountain though.