But the trouble is, everyone else here thinks she’s adorable. I haven’t seen her again at Little Leaf, thank goodness, but I’ve had to have about six conversations with other mothers about how great it is that Queenie and I are old friends (friends!) and isn’t she divine and am I coming to her spa party?

I can’t cope with an Alicia Bitch Long-legs spa party. I just can’t.

Anyway. Never mind. I don’t care. I’ll make friends another way. There are lots of other ways. And in the meantime, I’m going to focus on my new career.

I have a plan at the ready, and it starts today. I’ve been totally inspired by the story of Nenita Dietz marching into a wardrobe department and landing herself a job. So today I’m going to do the tour at Sedgewood Studios, which is where Nenita Dietz works, and I’m going to sneak away and find her. Luke has even got me a free VIP ticket through some contact of his, although I haven’t mentioned my plan to him. I’ll wait till I have success first. Then he’ll see.

I’ve put together a collection of my work as a personal shopper: look books, photos of clients, even a couple of sketches, all zipped up in a leather portfolio. I’ve also put together a critique of some recent Sedgewood Studios films, to show that I’m movie-minded. (Like, for example, that alien film they made, Darkest Force. They really could have had better costumes in that. The space uniforms were so clunky. By the year 2154, surely we’ll be going into space in skinny jeans, with tiny little helmets designed by Prada or someone?)

I’ve also done extensive research on Nenita Dietz, because I want to make sure we hit it off straight away. I’m wearing a really cool dress by Rick Owens, which is a label she likes, and I’m wearing Chanel N° 5, which is apparently her favourite scent, and I’ve Googled Martinique which is where she goes on holiday. All I have to do is meet her and I’m sure we’ll get along.

As I wait to join the VIP tour, I feel a fizz of excitement. My life could turn a massive new corner today! I’m standing by the famous gates, which are huge and ornate, with Sedgewood Studios in big iron letters at the top. Apparently if you kiss them, your deepest wish will come true, and lots of tourists are kissing them and filming each other. Honestly, what a load of rubbish. Like a gate could help. Like a gate could really have any secret powers. Like a gate could—

Oh, come on. I might as well. Just to be on the safe side. I’m kissing it and whispering, ‘Get me a job, please, please, lovely gate,’ when a side entrance opens.

‘Come forward for the VIP tour!’ A girl in a headset starts ushering us through and scanning our passes. I follow the crowd of tourists and soon find myself on the other side of the gates, in the studio lot. I’m here! I’m at Sedgewood Studios!