‘We’re actors.’ Sage nods. ‘We act.’

I cast my mind back to the Lois I caught shoplifting all those weeks ago – the timid wraith in the hoody. The trembling hands, the whispering voice, the flinching expression … That was acting? I mean, OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Lois is one of the top actors in the world. But still. She looked so real. I almost want to ask her to do it again.

‘What about Luke?’ I turn to Sage. ‘Does he have any idea?’

‘I don’t think so,’ says Sage, after a pause. ‘Although he’s smart. He asked me straight out, was any of this fabricated? Of course I told him no. Has he said anything to you?’

‘Nothing.’

‘He mustn’t know,’ says Lois. ‘He mustn’t know anything. Every attempt to fool the American public needs a level of plausible deniability.’

‘The President’s Woman,’ chimes in Sage, and high-fives Lois.

I knew I’d heard Lois say that somewhere before. It was when she played the Vice-President and wore all those pinstripe suits.

‘Luke is our level of plausible deniability,’ she’s saying now. ‘He and Aran both. They’re credible, they’re trustworthy …’

‘Luke’s great,’ says Sage, turning to Lois. ‘When this has simmered down, you should totally hire him. He has, like, all these ideas for strategy. And he’s such a gentleman.’

‘But Sage …’ I don’t quite know how to put it. ‘Inventing a feud with Lois can’t be part of Luke’s strategy, surely?’

‘So I had to go a little off the path.’ She tosses her hair back. ‘It worked, didn’t it? You mustn’t tell him,’ she adds. ‘You know what he thinks I should be doing? Charity work. Like, some trip to Darfur.’ She makes a disparaging face. ‘I told him I was researching landmines today. In fact, you can back me up!’ Her face brightens. ‘Tell him you called me and I was totally on the internet looking at charity websites.’

‘I can’t lie to Luke!’ I say in horror.

‘Well, you can’t tell Luke,’ retorts Sage.

‘Becky, you’re in this now,’ says Lois sternly. ‘And if you’re in it, you’re in it.’

That’s a quote from one of her movies, too, but I can’t remember which one. The Mafia one, maybe?

‘We’ll give you a break in styling,’ she continues. ‘You can dress us both for events. You’ll make contacts, it’ll be the real deal. But you cannot tell anyone.’ Her eyes are flashing at me. She’s got up from her chair and looks suddenly quite intimidating, like she did when she played that partner in a law firm who was also a serial killer. ‘You cannot tell anyone,’ she repeats.

‘Right.’ I swallow.

‘If you do, we’ll trash you.’

I have no idea what she means by ‘trash’ but it can’t be good.

‘Right,’ I say again, nervously.

Lois has already turned away and is tapping at a laptop. ‘Lois and Sage to appear on Camberly,’ she reads aloud. ‘It’s up! You should go, Becky,’ she adds to me. ‘Call your driver. The guard will let him in and he can back the SUV right up to the door. The press won’t see you. That’s what Sage did yesterday. And if your driver asks, tell him I wasn’t available. I was too ill. That’ll get around.’