After everyone has eaten, I go into the kitchen to prepare a small warm salad for myself. In a large bowl, I add one layer of spinach. I wilt it in the microwave for ten seconds. I take it out and add a few drops of vinegar, then another layer of spinach.

I can hear the Lolitas bickering in the Bowl.

‘My place,’ one Lolita says, ‘has a living room. And yours doesn’t. It’s idiot-proof. We should do it at mine. We need a living room because we need space.’

‘Hellooo?’ I have noticed that the Lolitas often call out to one another in this way. ‘We’re getting ready to party, not play Twister! Everybody knows when you’re getting ready it’s bathroom space you need.’

‘Hellooo? You wanna fit everyone in the bathroom? Where’re you gonna put them? In the literal bath?’

I must say I’m impressed by the level of commitment they’ve invested in this project. I add one more layer of spinach to the bowl and put it in the microwave for ten seconds. They’ve been discussing the hen-do with the same dedication as little girls describing their imaginary ponies. I repeat the motions. A few drops of vinegar, one more layer, ten more seconds.

‘Mine’s pink.’

‘Mine’s pink with purple wings.’

‘Mine’s pink with purple wings and a silver horn.’

‘Mine’s pink with purple wings and a silver horn and gold glitter hooves.’

When I reach ten layers and the bowl is half full, I pour a few drops of vinegar on top and add five salted peanuts. I sit down to eat, listening to them, until it is time to go back to work.

If it’s sunny and dry enough – which is rare, as spring isn’t quite here yet – the inpatients receive their visits on the wooden decking at the back of the care home. A little fresh air is good for them. Mona and I wrap them tightly in coats and scarves and duvets, before moving them outside. We park their wheelchairs in discrete clusters around the garden heaters, and scatter stools between them for the relatives, a little coffee table for each cluster. Though our patients are rarely allowed to drink coffee. It isn’t good for their old, weak hearts. It gives them trouble sleeping.