I don’t know what people think I do in my spare time; most adults ask very few personal questions. So I guess my technique works well if you’re the kind of person who is happy with letting others decide what you’re all about. I am a private person, that much is known. It has its upsides in that mostly I am left alone. Or maybe I have been left alone for so long that I’ve become a private person. Neil said I was simply unwilling to make the effort. His workmates thought I was stuck-up. It reflected badly on him, although the fact that he’s fucking a little girl will look even worse. I don’t imagine he expects her to entertain Rory and Ian. Although, I wonder, would she fare better?

Now Alanna wants me to organize her hen-do. It’s a surprise party apparently, although Alanna suggested it herself and will probably provide a list of potential dates. I don’t like the word ‘hen-do’. We are women, not chickens; but I can’t come up with a better suggestion so I refer to it simply as ‘the Party’. If it wasn’t Alanna who’d asked me, I’d think this was all a cruel joke. But Alanna doesn’t do cruel any more. Since finding out she’s a born nurse, Alanna says she’s resolved never to be mean to people for no reason. So it can’t be a joke, can it? We are women after all, and not children.

I open my eyes to a feeling of warmth and the knowledge that it is very cold outside. Of course, I am still asleep and this is a dream. At first, in my dream, I cannot see clearly: all around me is a grainy, compressed darkness. It is a comforting feeling. When my eyes finally focus, I see that a woman is asleep in front of me. I am stood at the foot of her bed. She sleeps uncoiled, stretched out sloppily across the mattress. Thin light spills from the slatted window, slicing across her body like the spine of a striped animal. Her mouth is open and I want to push two fingers through her lips. I feel confident I could do so without waking her. I wait for the dream to kick into motion, but it doesn’t: it stays as still as a picture. I look down at my hands and realize I am holding a tall glass of water, which suddenly feels very cold and impossibly heavy. ‘Drink it!’ I yell, and then I wake up.