I don’t understand. ‘From what you said, I’m thinking – maybe, to Alanna –’ I hesitate; it could be anything, so I say the first thing that pops into my mind ‘– a peony might mean working hard to achieve something she loves.’ Her eyes are very blue. ‘Something she loves very much.’ She nods. ‘It means determination,’ I say. ‘The determination to achieve something she loves.’ Why are we speaking in the third person? Should I hold her hand in mine? She is nodding and smiling.

‘Let’s see,’ she says. Alanna slides my hand gently off the book, releasing my wrist. My hand, where she held it, feels warmer than the rest of my body. I can still feel the ring of her fingers around my forearm. She reads out loud: ‘Peonies promise good fortune. Watch them grow from small buds into strong, magnificent blooms and you’ll see why peonies beautifully symbolize a long and happy marriage.’ She claps her hands happily. ‘Peonies are perfect! You’re a genius, Ruth, I knew it!’

‘Go for the fuchsia ones. They’ll suit your skin tone,’ I say, in a nasal voice. What the fuck am I talking about? But there, I’ve said it. I do mean it. She will look incredibly beautiful. Alanna’s eyes widen with surprise. She throws her arms around my neck and squeezes. I put mine around her waist and I squeeze too.

In this dream the water is blue and our heels are dipped in it. We have dropped most of our garments further up the beach. Our fingers are curled around each other’s loosely in the sand. We wiggle our toes, tighten our hands together.

‘Do you ever think,’ you say, ‘about the times you’ve been kissed for the first time? Not the first time you’ve ever been kissed – or not only that time. Each time you’ve been kissed for the first time.’

You look at me and I look at you and I can see that you are doing maths behind your eyes. This hurts my feelings.

I kick water on to your naked leg. You kick back with your shin against mine.

‘You’re peeling,’ I say.

‘You never answer me.’

Your head tumbles on to my naked shoulder.