a permanent fixture

in someone’s life

to change them

those who

walk away

without blood

on their hands

are just as impactful

as the ones

who don’t

sometimes

the most important loves

are the ones not meant

to stay

i tried my hardest to make sure

your first waltz with love

was as simple and delicate

as possible.

i kept us in time

with the music.

i showed you the right ways

to move, to touch, to sway.

the correct order of steps.

i did not step on your toes

(not too many times, at least).

there was no stumbling.

no falling.

no breaking

or hurting.

at the end of the song

i walked you to the edge

of the floor.

thanked you for dancing with me.

wished you happiness.

said your next dance partner

was a very lucky girl.

and then,

just like that,

i vanished into the crowd.

just like that,

i let you go.

as easily and painlessly

as i had come along.

you and i stood at a precipice.

i was entering a new chapter of my life, and you couldn’t follow me. you know that now, right? there was suddenly an entire ocean between us, with no bridge to cover it. we were falling apart at the seams from straining at the distance.

i was leaving my childhood behind.

so i had to leave you.

i just had to.

things that remind me of you #5

sunlight / fresh air / genuine kindness / healing / nature / people being nice to animals / learning love can be good again / being someone’s first / understanding the importance of everything you do / realizing your path /

/ relearning my worth /

/ relearning my skin /

/ relearning my heart /

/ ticking clocks /

/ running out of time /

/ always running out of time /

/ walking away /

/ not looking back /

/ smiling as i shut the door behind me /

what made me change

for you?

what turned me

from a friend

into an enemy?

what transformed us

from a fond memory

into your worst nightmare?

i am not the perfect lover.

i am bossy, sometimes insensitive, often overbearing.

these are my flaws, and i carry them.

so with you, i was not the perfect lover.

but i was not what you have made me out to be.

i picked you up when you were down.

i reminded you of the good things you had when you felt like there was nothing there.

i made sure you always had a place to go when your own home felt like a prison cell.

i supported you through everything. even after the breakup.

you came to me for advice that you knew nobody else could give.

i am not asking to be put on a pedestal for these things. i treated you right. that’s all. i was good to you.

i am just asking for proper remembrance. for respect.