i found

freedom

in you

i found

myself again

after being lost

for so

long

—our own version of hide-and-seek

i had forgotten how it felt:

to not be so afraid all the time.

afraid of being lied to,

of being manipulated,

of being left,

of not being enough.

but with you,

i didn’t feel any of that fear.

i knew you were mine

from the second we kissed.

relationship status: it’s getting better

i haven’t felt this way in so long: happy with you (myself).

it’s like a breath of fresh air, waking up in the morning and smiling at what i see.

sure, we have days, but they’re becoming less and less frequent.

even when i am with him, he does not pull me away from you.

he would never tear us apart.

i have found someone who won’t make me choose between him and you.

word of advice #5:

you don’t always need

passion

drama

an insanely romantic story

to have a good relationship

sometimes

it’s better to forego all that

so you can have

trust

kindness

stability

sure

you can find someone

who gives you both

but when you have

to pick

pick the one that won’t

break your heart

i loved someone

like you, once.

i took him for granted.

so with you,

i enjoyed every moment.

rest assured,

i did not leave a second

too soon.

self-love sometimes

likes to play a game

of hide-and-seek with me;

i find the love

for myself

in the strangest

of places:

behind the corner

of my mirror,

under the lid

of my powder,

tucked away between bedsheets.

and sometimes,

it takes a little

longer to find—

minutes, days,

even weeks,

but i always

find it in the end.

i always

bring it out

of its hiding place.

i figured out

who i truly was

when we were together

do not think

i have forgotten

your part in that

—i am grateful

i don’t know if i ever loved you

with everything in me,

because i think he had jumbled

my heart into a pile of broken

machinery,

but just know:

i loved you the best i could.

even when things weren’t

exactly working,

i loved you.

you wanted me

to pursue my dreams,

until it became clear

that meant

leaving you

behind,

and i couldn’t be

with someone

whose support

was conditional.

—i stop for no one

the truth is,

we just weren’t meant

to be forever.

it’s an unpleasant

and heavy truth to face,

and i know it hurt

to fold your hands around,

to understand it in its entirety.

that’s the hardest part

about the end of your first love:

realizing that most of the time,

love is a time bomb.

it always hurts,

realizing that you’re

temporary.

it doesn’t get any easier

as the years go by.

even when you know

it’s not going to last,

you see eternity in the people

you know you’ll have to leave,

anyway.

—human nature

you don’t have to be