you broke me quietly.

so quietly,

that i didn’t even notice

all the cracks

until you were long

g o n e.

sometimes i worry that maybe i asked for too

much

but all i wanted was

honesty

all i wanted was your truth

i asked if you had kissed her

and getting the answer

was like pulling a

mosquito from tree sap—

sticky and messy

and damn near impossible

i ask you now if you always meant

to lie to me

you say no

of course not

but my fingers still feel

a little bit

stuck

—you just couldn’t help yourself

i loved you

so damn much.

almost more than

how much

i hated

the way our love

felt under my skin.

—i could feel it poisoning me

if you ever wondered what / it felt like to have an iron chain / cuffed / to your carotid / then meet somebody like / / like you / i don’t know how it feels / to not have you branded / into my skin /

hey / you know / who you are /

your name is

/ /

you know / what / you did /

you

/ / me

/ / me

/ insert what you want here because you did it / me

i’m trying not to love you by forgetting your name / but the weight of it will always / be / here

like / deadweight /

like / an anchor /

like / you /

like / /

like / /

what’s pathetic / is that these blanks / are filled for me / that no matter what / i would put your name there / every time

/ /

you feel the

i ask

is this love?

and you kiss me

yes

and you take my heart

and it snaps

and it bleeds

and it cracks

and it breaks

and it breaks

and it breaks

and you leave

and you leave

and you leave

and i stay

and i stay

and i stay—

is this love

is this love

is this love—

well it has to be

if i’m still here

it has to be

doesn’t it?

you:

didn’t make time for me

lied to me

cheated on me

manipulated me

gaslighted me

ignored me

and when i finally broke free

you still had the audacity

to be angry about it

and make it out to be

all

my

fault.

—are you fucking kidding me?

word of advice #4:

when you think

things are starting

to go south—

and not south in a

“we’re having some

minor bumps in the road”

way

but south in an

“i can’t trust a single

word that comes out

of their mouth”

way—

take

your shit

and

RUN

at some point

i turned into a fool

who was

always in love

with someone

who was

sometimes never

in love

with me

i think in shades of red,