I’m on my own in the stairwell. Nobody can see me here. Gradually, gradually, I fight through the panic. In my mind, I comb back through the conversations, trying to find explanations for the parts that don’t add up. How did he know I grew up in Brighton? Why did he lie about being at Middlesex? Think, think, think. You have to remember. I take it, line by line. Our first conversation in the canteen. I made that comment, didn’t I? About my school canteen. That must have been when I mentioned to him that I went to school in Brighton. And what did he really say about university? Did he really say he went there? Or only that he knew Sarah when she did? Is that all it is? Misremembering and forgetting and hearing my own interpretation of what he said? Just like on that call to the local authority? It’s fine, I tell myself. Maybe he wasn’t straight up about everything. But then neither were you, Jennifer. Neither were you.

Finally I’m able to pull myself up the staircase, legs weak and tingling as the blood fights to get round them properly. By the time I get to the top, I am steadier. Confident that I can trust my judgement. I find that I can stand up straight. And by the time I open the door to my office and sit back down at my desk, anyone looking at me would see I’m just fine.

Chapter 25

BACK THEN

It is boiling hot in the car. The sun comes beating down on the sunroof and the air con hardly does anything. Prin can’t wait to get to the beach, into the biting cold of the water. She kicks her feet, careful this time not to clip the back of Mum’s seat. Across the car, Jane is strapped in too, gazing out through the hot window glass. She’s wearing jelly shoes and shorts and a T-shirt and, like Prin, she’s got her swimming costume on underneath.

Prin is so hot that even though she’s nine years old, she can’t help herself. ‘Are we nearly there yet?’

Mum twists around in her seat. She is wearing big round sunglasses and has her hair tied up in a messy bun. She’s wearing a big long floaty sundress. Prin thinks she looks very pretty.

‘Not far now,’ she says, and smiles.

Daddy is driving and he looks in the mirror above his head to catch Prin’s eyes. ‘Are you excited?’

‘Of course!’ says Prin. ‘Aren’t you?’

Daddy is good at getting excited about things. Daddy is good at having lots of fun.