‘I don’t know … I’ve been trying to map it out and make sense of it, the little bits and pieces we know, but I still really don’t have any answers. Alastair was honestly in such shock when I told him, and we didn’t have long to talk really at all, he was only on a break. I think maybe—’

‘Yes? Maybe what?’

I look at Charlie, colouring across from me. I think of how it’s always only me and him.

‘I think I need to see him again.’

As the waiter arrives with our meals, I tell Marianne I have to go, promising again to keep in touch. Properly this time. When the waiter sets our plates down, my portion looks gigantic but I force myself to eat, pushing each mouthful down. I need to take better care of myself, I know that. As Charlie eats too, he chatters to me about his day. Just like any ordinary kid. He’s happy, relaxed in himself. Content. No emotions bouncing off the walls.

If you look for it, you’ll find it. So don’t look.

I let my ears tune him out ever so slightly, blurring my eardrums the way I’m able to blur my eyes. Charlie is doing great. And I am doing fine.

I take a few more bites of my meal, managing most of the mushy peas at least before I push my plate aside. While Charlie finishes up his, I click open my mobile again. In the messenger app, Alastair’s texts are still there.

I read them again, three times, until I’m sure.

Then quickly, before I can change my mind, I text him back:

Yes.

Chapter 22

But first there’s something I have to check.

When we get home from the restaurant, I put Charlie to bed early. Then I open up Google again.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of doing this before. There’s this piece of the puzzle I haven’t chased until now. Her parents. How much they seem to have to do with it all. There’s no way of knowing whether they’d be willing to speak to me and yes, I know the police couldn’t trace them before. But it was me who tracked down Marianne and Alastair, and what if the police just didn’t look that hard?

As a housing manager with links to the local authority, there’s a special register I can access. We use it sometimes for our deeper ID checks, when we’re worried that something doesn’t quite add up. I have Sarah’s details and I can start there. We can find birth certificates here. Marriage certificates too.

I log into the register and type in Sarah’s details. Her full name, her date of birth. I’m lucky: the other Sarah Joneses have different middle names so, incredibly, there is only one result.