‘This is all bullshit, isn’t that what you’re thinking, Charlie?’ he says in response to my spontaneous giggle and moment of harsh realization. His breath smells stale, like my grandfather’s used to when he came home from a day out backing horses. It makes me gag a little. ‘I work damn hard, Charlie. I need to let loose every now and then but you’re absolutely right. Most of this lifestyle is just bullshit. I don’t even think Eva likes me any more. She used to really like me. Really.’

I watch as Eva snuggles up to one of the other guys whose name I can’t remember. She pouts and purrs and flicks back her hair, and then straddles the man with one leg, all the while skirting across, vying for Tom’s attention. I assumed at first she was Ana’s friend, or maybe a girlfriend of one of the others, but now I cop on, no. She may be pretending to be Ana’s friend but she’s here for Tom’s pleasure when it suits him – she’s his casual bit on the side in some weird agreement that I can’t understand.

I think I’m going to be sick. I’ve been such a fool. I don’t belong here.

‘You’re right, Tom,’ I tell him. ‘This all stinks of bullshit. But it’s your bullshit, so maybe it smells a little sweeter from where you’re sitting.’

He just laughs. Everything, it seems, is just a laugh when you’re as famous and drunk as Tom Farley.

I excuse myself and make my way to the bathroom, regretting now that I’ve had three drinks and can’t jump into my car and drive home to my lovely cottage in Ardara and prepare for my husband to come home. I need to get out of here. There’s no way I’m hanging around here to join the queue and hope that Tom can fit me into his obviously very busy schedule. He didn’t want to see me! He just more or less told me to come along for the ride and join in the craic if I wanted to see him! He has no interest in speaking to me in any other way or about anything more and I was a fool to think otherwise. All these years I’ve wasted, wondering ‘what if’ when he was busy ramping up his catalogue of Barbie dolls with plastic tits and Botox faces, pouting and purring like bitches on heat for his pleasure. No thanks!