‘Guys, this girl could have been one of the most famous songwriters of our time,’ he announces, finally remembering I’m beside him. Even Eva perks up her ears to listen and takes her eyes away from her phone. ‘She sang her songs for me one day back in the Déjà Vu days and I fell for her hook, line and sinker. Will you sing for us, Charlie? I’ll get my guitar. Go on, sing us one of your songs.’

My heart starts to race.

‘Let me get the girl a drink and give her time to relax,’ says Eva. ‘What do you want, Charlie? I’ll shout the bar.’

But there’s no way I’m singing here tonight. I can’t even think straight, never mind remember words to songs I haven’t sung in so long.

‘What can I get you?’ Eva asks again but I don’t know if I want to have a drink or not. I have the car outside and I’d planned to go home after a chat with Tom on how we feel about each other, and to decide if it’s really over.

The ‘old me’ would have loved this scene, a chance to kick back and get sloshed with a rock band in a cosy pub, but that’s not me any more.

Have I turned into some sort of prude who can’t just go with the flow? So many voices race through my head. I can still have some fun, though, can’t I? I’m allowed to have fun. Jack isn’t home for a couple more days and if I weren’t here tonight, I’d only be sitting at home alone watching the hours tick by in Ardara, torturing myself. Maybe I could stay somewhere local and see how it goes? I did pack an overnight bag just in case. Maybe I owe it to myself to relax a little and turn off the voices in my head. Maybe I’m not giving Tom and his lifestyle a chance. Am I being too judgemental?

I’ve had a stressful few months. I’m not doing anything wrong by having a drink with an old friend, am I?

‘I’ll have a gin and tonic, please,’ I tell Eva. I’m sure one drink won’t blur my senses that much, will it?

Chapter Twenty-Four

Before long I’m sipping down the ice-cold gin and tonic, feeling it numb my anxiety more quickly than I could ever have imagined. Another one follows, and then another, and by now I’m a lot more chilled and in the zone which makes this whole set-up just a little more bearable.

Thankfully, Tom never mentioned me singing a song again.