I want to hold him, to feel his warmth against me. I want him to be back here in our cosy home, making dinner, chatting about a box set we’ve been watching together and guessing the plotline. I want to be going to the dry cleaners or ironing his shirt when he’s in a hurry to get to an appointment. I want him to pour me a glass of wine, or surprise me with my favourite wild flowers he gathered when out on a walk to the shop. I want to be in the pub with him on a Sunday afternoon, sipping our beer and planning our next night out with Sophie and Harry. I want to listen to his worries and fears about his patients, swearing me to secrecy as he opens up his heart to me. I want to pretend we’ve no chocolate in the house when he gets a craving and then surprise him with a secret stash I bought just for him. I want to lie on the sofa and catch him looking at me, his blue eyes smiling, as I cry at something silly on the TV.

But most of all I want to know that by the time he gets home from this trip, I’ll never give him reason to doubt our marriage or how much he means to me again.

And to do that, I need to put some old ghosts to rest.

I need to find Tom Farley.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Trying to track down someone you used to know who is now a famous rock star isn’t as easy as I thought it might be. Despite several attempts to get in touch with Tom Farley, I find myself hitting brick wall after brick wall.

Firstly I send a message to the email address I used to use regularly to communicate with him. I’m guessing that since I didn’t get a response the last time when I sent my hearty congratulations, I might be going down the wrong path once again, but it’s worth a try and my most obvious first port of call.

I cuddle up on the sofa, take a deep breath and decide to take the bull by the horns.

Dear Tom, I type into my phone then quickly delete it. Way too formal. I’m obviously becoming much too used to writing job applications.

Hi Tom.

That’s better.

Congrats on a great gig in Dublin at the weekend! I was there with my husband and my friends who are big fans of your music

Always nice to set the pace – I’ve got a husband. We’re cool. We like your music … a compliment, yes. That’s a good way to start.

Oh Tom, I’m so, so happy for you on so many levels and it was really cool to hear the song you wrote called ‘You’.