I open my heart and tell him all about coming here, about meeting Tom and how he asked me to go to London with him today. I tell him how I felt when I was coming here to see him in Howth, of all the anticipation and expectations I had of what a reunion with Tom might be like as I was driving here and how it reopened all the ‘what if’ thoughts I’d harboured since I last laid eyes on him three years ago in Pip’s Bar. I tell Jack how I was met with a very different scenario, of how I found a man caught up in a very surreal lifestyle but one that he was born for and that I have learned now to respect for what it is and the person he has become.

I tell him how Tom gave me a note and how he reminded me of my talent and that I should start writing again, even if I was never to be with him. I tell him of the sadness in Tom’s eyes, how I could see behind his façade and how I know that inside he is just the same as all of us. He is just an ordinary human being longing for someone to love and to love him in return.

I know that Jack won’t pick up my messages for another while, but I know that when he does receive them he will read them through with the patience and understanding he promised me. Before he left he asked me to be honest, so I tell him what I’ve learned about love from seeing Tom again.

I tell him how I’ve learned that true love doesn’t have to be a strong, fiery passion that makes us wail from the pits of our souls in pain. It can be calming and deep, unconditional and pure. I’ve learned that love can be feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still going weak at the knees when they look at you in a way that only you know. I’ve learned that love is knowing someone’s imperfections, their weaknesses and their failures, but still wanting to be with them more than anyone else in the world. I’ve learned that when two people are meant to be together, nothing and no one can come between them. They might get lost along the way, they might make mistakes or the wrong decisions, but in the end, two people in love will always be together.

I’ve a new understanding of what love is, and I’ll never doubt it again.

Then I get dressed into my jeans, trainers and jacket and I head for Dublin airport.

Chapter Twenty-Six