Jack’s face shifts from an expression of deep wonder to sheer frustration as he tries to make sense of this all. He keeps pacing the floor. I am jumpy and nervous but I need to feel what he is going through. I need to feel what I am putting him through.

‘But why not just tell me at the time?’ he asks me. ‘Why the big secret? All you said about that row in Loughisland was that it was over a mutual friend and that Matthew stormed off. Why didn’t you tell me the rest? It’s because you still have feelings for him, isn’t it? You just said it yourself that you’ve always wondered if you made the right decision by letting him go. Did you make the right decision?’

I can’t answer that. And I can’t say I’ve feelings for Tom because I don’t know that for sure. I don’t know what to think any more – only that I wish we hadn’t gone to the concert.

‘Matthew was in love with him,’ I try to explain, shouting a bit myself now. ‘I didn’t know it and it’s why they broke up. I mean, it’s why the band broke up. But Tom was in love with me and … I was going to tell you all this, Jack. I should have, but—’

‘But nothing!’ he interrupts me. ‘We weren’t even together at the time so why complicate it all and leave it till now when we’re married, when I’m about to fly off to Canada to do something that means the world to me and my family, and when I’m just after sitting through two hours of music including a song that I’d no idea was about my wife!’

Ouch.

‘Can you imagine how that makes me feel?’ he says, looking right into my eyes now. ‘It’s like I don’t know you right now, Charlotte! I’ve no idea what is going on in that head of yours any more! No one does! Do you still talk to him? Or do you still love him, Charlotte? Answer me! Do you?’

I purse my lips tight as tears burst out of my eyes and I shake my head quickly.

‘I love you, Jack,’ I whimper, but his eyes tell me I haven’t answered his question.

He storms out of the kitchen and I try to catch my breath. Deep, uncontrollable gasps come from the pit of my stomach and I make my way into the living room where I crawl into a ball, wondering how the hell I managed to create such a mess. Jack is an educated, intelligent, understanding, beautiful man and yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him one of the most life-changing moments that ever came my way. And I can’t even think of a reason why.