pulled the trigger and blew his big toe off

so he wouldn’t be sent to Vietnam.

I believe in the breath of an old woman dreaming

the wind carries her across the sky.

I believe every huckleberry leaf,

every alder, owl, crane fly, toad,

every steelhead’s chrome shimmer upriver,

every catkin and apple,

each song, poem, and breath.

I believe in the confluence of memory and dream,

every wet field, each twirling seed.

I believe a molecule from your brain stem

will be found a thousand years from now

in a woodrat’s tiny dry rib-bone

inside an owl pellet

under the Doug fir where you and your sweetheart

will make love while hiking the Lost Coast

a dozen summers from now.

I believe every atom of creation

is indelibly printed with divinity.

I believe in the warm peach

rolled in the palm of my hand.

I believe God plays the saxophone

and the Holy Ghost loves to dance.

And I believe we are born to both fate and chance,

that we’re meant to chase ourselves

through the labyrinths of desire,

get lost, slaughtered, and discover

extravagant pleasures lusciously prolonged.

And I believe that you can only attain such detachment

through total, unstinting attachment to this world,

here and now, all, every bit,

by getting your face in it

while throwing your self away.

And I believe we will suffer and suffer and suffer,

and that one joy torches a thousand sorrows,

that today is tomorrow,

that faith is a reflex of gratitude,

and that faith demands we go down singing

rather than dwindle into constant snivel

because existence won’t give us what we want.

I believe in every voice in the choir,

every breath-borne note and syllable.

And I believe most of all

my belief is not required.

Also by Jim Dodge

Fup
Not Fade Away
Stone Junction

Copyright

First published in Great Britain in 2002 by
Canongate Books Ltd, 14 High Street,
Edinburgh EH1 1TE

This digital edition first published in 2009 by
Canongate Books

Copyright © by Jim Dodge
The moral right of the author has been asserted

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available on
request from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84767 635 1