BooksBarbecue
Back Rabbit Hole
Chapters (73)
  1. Rabbit Hole
  2. Also by Mark Billingham
  3. Title Page
  4. Copyright
  5. Dedication
  6. Epigraph
  7. Preface
  8. PART ONE
  9. ONE
  10. TWO
  11. THREE
  12. FOUR
  13. FIVE
  14. SIX
  15. SEVEN
  16. EIGHT
  17. NINE
  18. TEN
  19. ELEVEN
  20. TWELVE
  21. THIRTEEN
  22. FOURTEEN
  23. FIFTEEN
  24. SIXTEEN
  25. SEVENTEEN
  26. EIGHTEEN
  27. NINETEEN
  28. TWENTY
  29. TWENTY-ONE
  30. TWENTY-TWO
  31. TWENTY-THREE
  32. TWENTY-FOUR
  33. TWENTY-FIVE
  34. TWENTY-SIX
  35. TWENTY-SEVEN
  36. TWENTY-EIGHT
  37. TWENTY-NINE
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. THIRTY-TWO
  41. THIRTY-THREE
  42. PART TWO
  43. THIRTY-FOUR
  44. THIRTY-FIVE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. FORTY
  50. FORTY-ONE
  51. FORTY-TWO
  52. FORTY-THREE
  53. FORTY-FOUR
  54. FORTY-FIVE
  55. FORTY-SIX
  56. FORTY-SEVEN
  57. FORTY-EIGHT
  58. FORTY-NINE
  59. FIFTY
  60. FIFTY-ONE
  61. FIFTY-TWO
  62. FIFTY-THREE
  63. FIFTY-FOUR
  64. FIFTY-FIVE
  65. FIFTY-SIX
  66. FIFTY-SEVEN
  67. FIFTY-EIGHT
  68. PART THREE
  69. FIFTY-NINE
  70. SIXTY
  71. EPILOGUE
  72. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  73. Back Cover

I smile again. Sometimes, straight after a dose of benzos, you can’t help smiling even when you’ve got sweet FA to smile about. ‘I feel different,’ I say.

‘A good different?’

I nod. Slowly. ‘Most of the time.’

My dad’s face lights up. Same way it did when I won the 400 metres in the house athletics or when I played a comedy servant girl in that stupid play in the fourth form. ‘That’s fantastic,’ he says. ‘Your mum’s going to be really happy when I tell her that.’

‘Mum hasn’t called me for ages,’ I say.

‘I know she hasn’t, love.’ He stares down at his brown brogues for a few seconds. ‘Thing is . . .’

‘She gets upset,’ I say. ‘Yeah, I know.’

Twenty treacly minutes later, Dad says he’d best be getting off and I really like having his arm around me as we’re walking slowly towards the airlock. He says a cheery hello to Donna, like she’s some nice girl he chats to in the post office once in a while, and he even manages a thumbs-up for Ilias who’s repeatedly tossing a tennis ball six inches in the air and shouting Yes! every time he catches it.

Dad stops when he sees Tony at the airlock with his suitcase. Tony waves and my father raises an arm in return. It’s a bit awkward, though, and looks more like a Nazi salute.

‘Why does he do that?’

I tell him about Tony’s non-existent family.

‘Well, at least you’ve got me and Mum,’ he says.

‘Yeah, but you can’t get me out of here any more than Tony’s made-up rellies.’

He gets a bit upset again. He’s looking at me and, fuzzy-headed as I am, I know he’s thinking about that girl who could run really fast and do funny voices in daft plays. He’s thinking that he’s lost her.

‘It isn’t your fault,’ I say. ‘Everything that’s happened.’

He blinks slowly and shrugs. ‘How can it not be, love?’

‘It was Grandad Jim’s fault.’ I shake my head, sadly. ‘Him touching me like that when I was little.’

Dad stares at me.

‘Joke,’ I say.

Tony is waving again, but now my dad is too stunned to wave back, so I just stand there with him for a bit and I know I’m the worst daughter in the world.

FORTY

FORTY

I’m mooching around before dinner, bored and not quite sure what to do with myself, when my mobile rings. It’s the investigator bloke from Pindown, so I drop the call. I don’t really want to speak to him but I’m not going to turn my phone off – I would never do that – so when he calls back again almost immediately, I decide to answer.

It’s something to do, isn’t it?