‘Hetty,’ he says, in a high voice, ‘we will never mention this conversation again. But you remember just who you are, and what you have done. You have no choices. I’m your only hope. And don’t worry, I shan’t lay a hand on you until that thing is out of your belly. The idea is repellent. I shall wait. I’ve grown used to waiting. And when you are ready, I will cleanse you, mind and body, and you will belong to me, completely.’

He pulls me towards him, and kisses me on the mouth, full and hard.

I choke, try to push him away, but he’s too strong.

My mind clears. Oh, Tomas, you think you have the better of me. But as long as I live and breathe, I will never love you, because my love belongs to another.

And know this too: my mind will always be free.

*

Five minutes after Tomas leaves me at home, I walk fast to Erna’s flat. Thankfully she is there. I’m shaking so much, it takes me time and a long drink of water before I’m calm enough to talk.

‘I can’t go through with this, Erna! I can’t let them take my baby. They’ve planned it all!’ My voice rises as panic seizes me. There’s a vice-like grip around my throat and I can’t breathe. Black stars dance in front of my eyes. ‘They’re throwing it in an orphanage, a Jewish orphanage. And then what?’

‘But you always knew—’

‘I hoped, prayed, that Tomas would change his mind. It’s all he has to do. Let me keep my child. It solves everything, doesn’t it? I’m happy because I have my baby and it is safe because people will think it’s Tomas’s. He’s happy because he has me. Vati is happy because nobody can ever know the truth and his reputation is saved. Mutti is happy because she has a grandchild to love and care for…’

The speech exhausts me. I collapse into a chair, heaving air through my narrowed throat.

‘But Hetty, right from the beginning Tomas said he wouldn’t let you keep it.’ Her tone is gentle, but her words, the harsh truth, stab all the same. ‘To him, this child is abhorrent. It would be like welcoming the enemy into his own home.’

‘You’re defending him!’ I choke. ‘How can you say such—’

‘No! I’m not defending him, never! But you have to be realistic. From his perspective there is no benefit in him keeping this baby. It’s far better for him to have it out of the way. He’s never going to let you keep it, Hetty.’