7 November 1938

The concierge calls up to Erna’s flat. I wait outside in the dank air. Wood smoke hangs, mingling with the scent of moulding leaves.

‘I’m so happy to see you!’ Erna smiles, as her flame-gold head appears in the doorway.

‘I need your help,’ I begin, once she joins me on the pavement. If I wait, I might lose courage.

She loops her arm through mine as we walk.

‘Ask away,’ she says cheerfully.

‘It will shock you. You probably won’t like me anymore.’

‘Gosh, how intriguing. Can’t wait to hear—’

‘No! It’s serious, Erna. Really. You can’t repeat this to anyone. Do you hear?’

‘Okay, okay! No need to be quite so fierce. I won’t, I promise.’

‘Really promise?’

‘Yes, I really promise! For heaven’s sake, what is it, Hett?’

I take a deep breath.

‘I-I’ve fallen in love with someone. I mean, really, properly, fallen in love.’

Exhale. My breath, a foggy stream mingles with the winter air and evaporates.

‘Wow! Well, that’s wonderful.’ She smiles, then frowns. ‘It’s a bit sudden, though, I mean with Karl and everything.’ She looks uncomfortable, rushing on, ‘I didn’t mean you shouldn’t. It’s a good thing, to take your mind off—’

‘It isn’t sudden. It’s been going on for over a year.’

‘What? A year!’ She stops walking. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

I keep walking and she jogs to catch up.

‘I know what you must think, after I was so ghastly to you and Karl. I’ve been a terrible friend – and trust me, I feel utterly wretched about it. But there were good reasons I couldn’t tell.’ I can’t look at her. Head down I keep my eyes fixed on the wet pavement, stepping between piles of soggy leaves.

‘Yes. You’ve been a terrible friend. The worst kind.’ She pokes me in the ribs and laughs. ‘But seriously, who is he. Tell me and I’ll forgive you everything.’

We walk a few more steps. Do it now.

Deep breath. ‘He’s a Jew, Erna. I’ve fallen in love with a Jew.’

‘You’ve…? Oh, ha ha, Hetty. What a hoot.’

‘No, it’s the truth. His name is Walter Keller. Perhaps you remember that day at school when he and Freda…?’ Erna has stopped smiling. She nods. ‘A long time ago, he was a friend of Karl’s. That’s how I knew him. I bumped into him during the summer, last year, when I was walking Kuschi. I tried to stay away from him, but I couldn’t. You see, there is no one like him. No one I’ve ever met. I couldn’t help but fall for him, and him for me. It feels like we’re meant for each other, even though we aren’t.’

We reach Nordplatz. The wide green square and tall handsome church are ahead of us. Like a river, I can’t stop the flow, now I’ve started.

‘I tried to stop seeing him so many times. He tried too. But we just couldn’t. I know that if we get caught – we almost have a few times – it will be disaster for us both. My crime will be equal to his. But I love him so much, Erna.’