One beat. Two beats.

‘You were mistaken,’ I say. Our eyes lock. ‘I wasn’t in Salamander’s this afternoon. Why would I go to a place like that?’ I snort.

‘How strange.’ Her brow knits. ‘I could have sworn it was you.’

‘Not me. Must be someone who looks like me. There’s a girl who used to be in my class, Freda. She looks a bit like me. Same hair. Must have been her you saw.’

I grip the book tight in my fingers. Ingrid turns back to the fireplace, strikes a match, cups her hand around the flame, and sets the paper balls alight.

I try to breathe but my chest is so tight I fear I’m going to choke.

‘I was with the BDM, marching in the countryside,’ I tell her, even though, as I say it, it sounds lame.

She rocks back on her heels watching the flames catch the paper and the kindling. The fire crackles and spreads.

She stands, picks up her tools and her bucket and turns to me.

‘My mistake then, Fräulein. How silly of me. Ring the bell if the fire goes out. It’s a windy night, and I had terrible trouble with the one downstairs just now.’

‘Yes. Thank you.’

We smile at each other, but there is no warmth in the gesture from either side.

She leaves the room and I’m alone with my thoughts. Terrifying visions of what she saw. Would she remember Walter? It’s years since he came to the house, and he’s changed so much. Besides, even if she did recognise him, would she even know he’s a Jew? I rack my brains, trying to remember if there was ever a conversation at home when his Jewishness was discussed, but I can’t think straight. Did she follow us and see me outside the synagogue, or even see us kiss? Why else would she have said the word ‘love’? Was it so obvious? I pace the room. What if she makes enquiries, or tells Mutti? Should I have said something different? Well it’s too late now. I will simply have to stick to the story. She is mistaken, and it’s her word against mine. I push the book under my mattress, next to the journal.

I think about a recent lesson with Herr Metzger. The one where he spoke of his relief at the implementation of the 1935 Law for the Protection of German Blood and German Honour. The Law which will save the German people from the poisoning of our blood by the bacterium of the Jew. Before the Führer took power in 1933, the body of the German people had been severely ill. At last, the infection of minds and bodies is being cured. We are becoming racially healthy once more. The punishment for relations between Jews and Germans is severe. Racial defilement is a heinous crime.

Oh, Walter, what the hell have we done?

10 October 1937

I have a terrible headache. A thick black snake has slid inside my skull, squeezing and twisting my brain until I could scream with the pain. It’s been getting worse all morning and finally I give in to it, excusing myself from lunch, and go to lie on my bed.