‘That’s awful, Hetty, truly. But you can’t do anything. It’s too big a problem for you alone.’

‘No. I realise that now. But there may be a way we can help the children. Walter mentioned in his letter about this Kindertransport. Special trains are taking Jewish children to families in England, until their parents can find somewhere safe to go. Do you think your father might know how this can be arranged?’

‘I don’t know. I’ll ask him. But you mustn’t do or say anything in the meantime. It could jeopardise everything. If your father should get an inkling of what you’re up to…’

‘But I promised Walter. How can I not even try? All the men of importance are here in this room. They talk of great achievements and victories, but there’s another side to it, isn’t there? I should use this opportunity. To speak out. If I don’t, who will? I’ll never be able to go back to that café with my head held high. I can’t sit and look at that woman and tell her I can’t do anything.’

Erna’s eyes widen.

‘Hetty, you’re not thinking straight. If you say anything at all against Hitler or the government, you are finished – and so, very likely, will our little resistance movement be too. You’d be signing my family’s death certificates too.’

Tomas returns again and we stop talking.

I look around at the guests, at Mutti and Vati, and wonder how it came to be that I feel like a stranger in the room.

*

It’s three-thirty in the morning and Vati says his goodbyes to the last guests to leave the party, Otto and his family. The front door bangs shut and the two of us are left, face to face in the entrance hall, silence settling around us. Mutti has long since gone to bed. Ingrid and Vera, the girl who will shortly replace her, are finishing the clearing up in the drawing room.

‘Well,’ he says stiffly. ‘Time for bed.’

He moves past me and I catch his arm.

‘Vati…’

He starts as though a vile creature has landed on his arm.

‘What?’

Erna’s and Bertha’s advice reverberates through my mind. Keep quiet. Forget Walter. Move on. But visions of damaged, broken Walter plague me. The thought of what’s happening to those remaining in that camp, and what could happen to his dear mother, won’t let me rest.

‘What?’ Vati barks again, his face hard and impatient.

‘I’m… I’m sorry for everything. I hope you can forgive me.’

It’s meant as a preamble, but even to my ears they sound like the words of a coward.

‘Yes. Well, that will depend on you and how you conduct yourself from now on.’

‘I’ll do my best, Vati.’

He straightens his shoulders and looks at me, eye to eye.

‘We will put it behind us, but I shan’t forget. There is to be no more wandering around this city without your mother knowing your whereabouts. There is to be no more… mixing… with undesirables. You will be the daughter I deserve. Nothing less.’